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I Don’t Love My Mom! What Should I Do?

26 August, 2023
Q I don't feel emotionally attached to my mom. I don't think I hate her, but almost everything she does annoys me, even her presence, the way she talks, her manners. I know she has done a lot for me and I should only be grateful to her, but I can't help myself and be annoyed by her. I know this is very, very problematic, and I feel guilty not loving her the way a parent should be loved. I kept trying and trying during these years to be more loving and respectful but it is really hard. I know this is Islamically unacceptable and I'm really looking for help here. I already have gone to a therapist but in a western country I don’t think they know how important the role of a mother is in Islam and they just suggest to cut ties. I feel numbness thinking about her to be honest. She wasn't the best of moms but this is not the point, I should love her anyway, right? What should I do?

Answer

Aisha Mohammad
26 August, 2023

Explore with a counselor your feelings of not being attached enough to your mom.

If the manners or behavior of your parents annoy you, try your best to focus on their other, lovable traits.

During adolescence, you may go through these feelings, and they can be normal to an extent as you are looking for your own identity, separate from your family.

Think about the caring moments and positive memories. List them down and ponder over them. Do not let the negative feelings and irritation grow bigger and bigger until they become far from what reality is.

If this becomes a habit, with some time, you will have a better attitude towards her, in sha Allah.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.