I feel very ashamed. I feel that I have betrayed their trust. I’m trying to be better. How will I face my parents?
In this counseling answer:
Allah pardons all sins.
Allah loves those who turn in repentance to him.
Start off on your path to finding Allah
Allah is “Ghaffar” –He is both Oft-Forgiving and All-Forgiving
Dear Sister, when you wrong someone, they might forgive you once or twice but not multiple and countless times.
However, Allah SWT, the Merciful and the One who forgives, will forgive you multiple times. Therefore, as imperfect slaves of Allah, we must strive to please Him.
Qualities Favored by Allah: Repentance
“Indeed Allah loves those who are constantly repentant.” (Holy Qur’an 2:222)
Allah had forgiven the Prophet ﷺ for his previous and future sins. Yet, he was a servant seeking forgiveness and constant repentance.
In his words: “By Allah, I seek forgiveness from Allah and I repent to Him more than seventy times a day.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Therefore, we all should seek Allah’s forgiveness for the sins past and present, at least 200-500 times a day.
It was narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” (Ibn Majah)
Qualities Favored by Allah: God-consciousness
“Indeed, Allah loves the righteous [who fear Him].” (Holy Qur’an 09:04)
You are clearly aware that Allah SWT has observed your sins, and you fear Allah’s punishment.
Realize the words of Allah, ‘If My slaves ask you about Me, I am near. I answer the call of the caller when he calls on Me.’ [Qur’an, 2:185]
Your love for Allah is making you regret the sin you committed.
Your love for Allah is deeper than you know. Otherwise, you would not have acknowledged anything you did wrong.
You need guidance. Your heart needs guidance to direct it towards what is important. For that, you need to de clutter your mind.
You need to focus on what is important to you. Forget about everyone and everything else in life.
It is your life, and it should only consist of how you will please Allah and what you feel you need to do to please Allah.
Allah SWT says in the Quran,
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“So, do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers.” (Quran 3:139)
Never in the Quran, or in the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad SAW will you find that you are asked to despair, fall into hopelessness, or isolate yourself constantly thinking about your troubles.
Instead, you are asked to see every situation from a positive angle and see growth.
Dhikr of the First Kalima
Dear Sister, my most important advice to you is to keep yourself busy with the dhikr of the first kalima.
Do not think about anything else. Here are the steps I want you to take to strengthen your relationship with Allah.
- Pick a clean room in your home, or a clean spot (by the window in a room, in a corner by your bed, etc.,). Spread the prayer mat there, put some musk on the mat, put the dhikr beads on it, and get a small stand for the Quran.
- Sit there every day for at least once a day for 10 minutes and just feel peaceful. I am certain that simply sitting in a space set up for prayer will give you peace.
- Then, take the beads and count reading the first kalima 99 times.
- Sit there and think of all the hard times you had, good times, impossible days.
- Sit there and feel grateful.
Getting Closer to Allah
I understand that you feel depressed and unhappy. However dear Sister, you must learn to move on. You have left the sin behind; therefore, you must also leave the thoughts of the past behind. For this, you must invest your time in learning of Allah and the deen.
Allah SWT says in the Quran:
”O you who believe! Do your duty to Allah and fear Him. And seek the Waseela (means of approach to Him), and strive hard in His Cause (as much as you can), so that you may be successful.” (5:35)
In order to get closer to Allah SWT aside from doing dhikr, get yourself involved in activities. Either in the community or by other extra curricular.
These activities will help you overcome your depressive mood and help you find motivation.
Ask Allah for Refuge
It is also of great importance to seek refuge from the satan.
He is our greatest enemy when it comes to getting closer to Allah, and is the one who usually makes us dwell on negativity.
Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said that Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He), the Exalted and Glorious said,
“I am near to the thought of My servant as he thinks about Me, and I am with him as he remembers Me.
And if he remembers Me in his heart, I also remember him in My heart. And if he remembers Me in assembly I remember him in assembly, better than his (remembrance).
And if he draws near Me by the span of a palm, I draw near him by the cubit.
And if he draws near me by the cubit I draw near him by the space (covered by) two hands. And if he walks towards Me, I rush towards him.” (Sahih Muslim).
So, in sha Allah if you sincerely try to get closer to Allah SWT, He will approach you at a greater speed.
To start off on your path to finding Allah:
- Say Astaghfirullah as much as you can
- to erase your sins.
- Say Alhamdulillah so Allah will give you more, and for what he has given you. Allah SWT possesses great power. He is the Creator and the one who reigns over everything.
- Look outside your window and say Subhan-Allah about His beautiful creations.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.