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I Have Many Family Problems, Please Help Me

19 December, 2023
Q Hi, I wanted to tell you that I live in a house very weak of family bonds; my father is always travelling and rarely takes any responsibility ever since I was a kid. My mother takes the role of the man and the woman of the house. However, this is not possible this made matters worse.

Ever since I was a kid, she completely disbanded her friends and her own life just to care for us (me, my older brother who has mental illness, and my younger sister). On top of that, my father's family were very judgmental and bothered my mother a lot, there were nights she would spend crying alone and her husband did not know how to even care.

I am saying this not because I hate my father, but it was a bad decision because my father is born and raised differently. His family are all very practical with essentially no emotions. My mother on the other hand was the type that was raised very softly, and she did not know anything about the real world. In fact, the only one who could understand her at that point was her father, her mother always demanded more from her and liked her male siblings over her and often oppressed.

6 years into her marriage and what do you think happened next? Her father died. I was only 3 at that time. All these years passed, and she endures and endures the sheikhs tell her to wait for the kids' sake and she does. The relationship stays the same and they never divorced until this day, and we are the biggest reason. However, there were consequences:

1-my brother who is also ill did not get proper treatment and he became hurting my mother by his actions and laziness. 2-We were deprived from learning proper manners, religion, and enjoying life. Me and my sister had to learn it on our own. 3- She completely forgets about herself; she is very stubborn and has clinical depression and does not know how to care for herself because she was never told except otherwise. 4- My father, who only provides money and ignores other responsibilities, likes me and my sister because we do good in school and his family likes us. He hits my brother who is mentally ill as a way of treating him and does not care about my mother except when he comes to the house and when he leaves, he makes sure to tell her something to make her not talk to him and does this over again.

5- Me and my siblings who our mother did everything for us, instead we became lazy, and we do not treat our mother like she deserves because we were not taught, and she never asks us. Instead, she endures it while being depressed and overloaded.

6- All the family members except father lost from all aspects: religion, social life, productivity, mental health, and physical health.

It is when I started redeeming myself on my own by discovering social skills, taking responsibility, praying and asking God for help, when I finally got track of my life. My sister did so as well. No one to blame, literally all of our family (grandparents, cousins, uncles...etc.) are losers (no offence to my father and mother's families).

I want to ask you how we are supposed to act because me and my sister do not talk with my brother who is mentally ill while living in the same house and our mother only makes us food without talking about herself and she does not lead the house and unfortunately did not return to God after all what happened. We don't know what to do, we need guidance, God has sent me here.

That's for sure.


If you do not assist your mother with her daily tasks, you should not blame her for not asking for help.

If your father is absent, try to understand what she is going through when raising you and your siblings and offer your help when needed.

As you grow up, it becomes your responsibility to behave with them as well as possible and treat them with respect and kindness.

Your brother with a disability and mental illness has to be treated with kindness and respect, without abuse or taking advantage of his condition.

Write a list of your needs and the things you would like to improve in your family life, then sit down with your family and talk to them about them.

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What else can you do to help your parents and siblings in their struggles?

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.