I’ve been bearing it for a very long time. Even after repenting for my sins I feel sinful because of them. I couldn’t help begging and making dua for death since I was a young teenager. Now I’m in my 20s. When I didn’t die due to my family pressures I wished in my mind for my parents ‘ demise which I’m aware is wrong but was left with no other feeling or option. I only have access to Islamic counselling for now. Once my brother tried to strangle me at Night but I forgave him and after many years when I opened up to my mother about it she showed no care for me. I always feel neglected by my family… I wish I was dead in peace could find peace in the afterlife at least. Please give me permission to pray for early death. Thank you. Jazak Allah khair.
Answer
- Look at your parents for a moment through different lenses: what do you think makes them behave the way they do?
- Pray to Allah. That is our first and foremost solution to problems as Muslims.
- Tell your mother everything honestly, including how you feel neglected and unheard.
- Seek counseling. If at any time you feel these suicidal thoughts are overwhelming and you are actually about to take your life do not hesitate to call your local suicidal hotline.
Assalamu Aleikom,
I am sorry to read of your difficulties. It must be hard to feel like your parents do not care about you. You say, “They expect you to return all favors, and they have unrealistic expectations;” furthermore, “they complain and criticize you a lot.” I am sorry to read all these. May Allah make things easy for you.
Parents are our first caregivers and teachers in life, so oftentimes we look at them as perfect human beings who must care for our needs. However, the truth is that they are just as infallible creatures of Allah as we all are.
They also have their own package from childhood, with patterns based on how they conduct their lives and their difficulties in life, such as finances, conflicts with others, or stress at work. Unfortunately, these all might affect the way they treat you.
Change Perspective
I do not tend to defend them; I just want to have a more realistic view of them: they are human beings who do their best yet fall into mistakes.
It might be good if you look at them for a moment through different lenses: what do you think makes them behave the way they do? What affects them? Maybe they reflect how your grandparents dealt with them?
his might help you release a bit of your anxiety and stress. Anyhow, you do not deserve the neglect of your parents!
Oftentimes, parents parent their children in the same way they were treated, even if it is toxic. Life changes, and even if they want to do their best, they end up making mistakes. Neglect might also show up when there is too much stress on parents due to having many children or stress at work.
It is not OK, yet it is the reality. In addition, as you grow up and form your identity, it might get harder and harder to live with your parents. You want your own freedom and way of conducting your life, and this causes many conflicts in your home.
Now, what can you do about it?
Pray to Allah. That is our first and foremost solution to problems as Muslims. Talk to Allah, complain to Him, and ask Him for help.
You have a direct relationship with the One whose hand directs everything on Earth. Strengthen your relationship with Him, and He will never let you down, as he promised:
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) narrates that Allah Most High said, “I am as my servant thinks of Me, and I am with him when he remembers Me.” [Ahmad]
Try talking to a family member
Is there anyone you trust and could talk to? Maybe an uncle or aunt who is close to your parents might be able to assist you?
Try talking to your mom again
I know you already did; even when you approached her with such a serious issue as your brother’s ill behavior towards you, you received no care. But give it another chance and try talking to her at a time when you find her in a good mood.
Open up and tell her everything honestly, including how you feel neglected and unheard. Tell her everything that is in your heart, and make dua before Allah opens up her heart.
If you want, you might want to write a letter to her in which you express all your emotions. Writing itself is a tool for healing.
Take care of yourself
Sister, you expressed that you wished Allah would take your life away. This is not something we should wish for, as only Allah knows when we are ready for death. If at any time you feel these suicidal thoughts are overwhelming and you are actually about to take your life—which is haram and a big sin in Islam—do not hesitate to call your local suicidal hotline.
Your family is a strong part of your life, but it’s not the only part. You should not let them make you feel so devastated. See what else you can do that makes you happy.
Start a new hobby, be with your friends more often, and exercise. Doing things that produce “happiness hormones” in your body will help you tackle your stress with your family as well.
Counseling
I would strongly recommend you seek help from counseling. Inshallah, it will help you heal your wounds and move on from your negative thoughts.
May Allah make your life easier for you,
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