Currently, my sister is suffering and by connection, I feel her pain. She is mentally and emotionally hurt from all the stress that my parents have created. My parents were not great as they were abusive and constantly yelling.
Now, she is mentally unstable. She can't interact with society. My sister does not want to live anymore and says she wants to die all the time.
She doesn't believe in Allah anymore, won't touch or read Quran, pray, nor try anything to get better. She has no willingness and strength to recover from life's hardships and just wants to sleep all day.
What are the family members’ responsibilities when a sibling has no willingness to live, refuses therapy and treatment, doesn't listen to anyone's advice, and doesn't appreciate the sacrifices some are making to try to help her get better?
Does family still have a responsibility to be her "life support" or suicidal watch?
Is it okay if she lives alone and sleeps all day? Do I have to continuously get her to try going to therapy even though she won't?
My sister is depressing to live with and makes me depressed. Her condition and attitude make me want to kill myself and stop living because it looks like there is no end to this pain.
Does anyone, parents or siblings, have a right to try to live their life in a happy manner or do they have to sacrifice their life for her when she doesn't even care to get better?
Please advise me on what I can do. I appreciate any guidance you can offer. Thank you.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• If she is refusing to go for treatment such as therapy, you may wish to point out its benefits. Encourage her to try to go at least three times.
• I encourage you to call The Suicide Prevention Hotline at and discuss with them your concerns about your sister.
• Please evaluate your own mental health status regarding what you have written.
• Ensure that you eat healthfully, get proper sleep, engage in joyful and fun activities, and enjoy social outings with friends.
Assalamu alaykum sister,
I am sorry to hear that your sister is suffering from all the mental and emotional abuse that your parents have put her through. Sadly, many children and adults do not get the help they need when they are subjected to trauma/abuse, thus never getting the opportunity to heal.
According to you, she is now mentally unstable and cannot interact with society. Additionally, she does not want to live anymore and states she wants to die all the time.
She also doesn’t believe in Allah and won’t read Qur’an, pray, or do anything to try to get better. You’re wondering what the family’s responsibilities are in this situation.
Feeling Helpless
Sister, I can understand how you must feel at this point. It must be very painful to watch your sister suffer in this way.
As you stated, you have a connection with her, and you feel her pain. This is common and natural because you love her and care about her well-being.
You would also like to have a life of your own not be a caretaker all the time, and rightfully so!
Therapy and Resistance
When loved ones are suffering, we often suffer too. We want them to get better and wonder what we can do to help when they resist the help. It can be difficult.
Sister, you can try to discuss with her the importance of getting better.
If she is refusing to go for treatment such as therapy, you may wish to point out its benefits such as getting better, feeling good, seeing life in a different way, as well as looking forward to future blessings.
You may wish to ask her to give therapy a chance.
In shaa’ Allah, encourage her to try to go at least three times. If you can get her to commit to going a few times, it may be the inspiration she needs to fully engage.
You may even offer to go with her for support.
Ask her what her hopes, dreams, and visions are for the future. If she cannot identify any, ask her what they were before she became (possibly) depressed.
If you can help her identify at least two things of interest, it may be enough hope and inspiration for her to hold onto and want to get better.
Suicidal Ideation
Regarding her not praying, reading Quran, or believing in Allah, it may be a symptom of mental illness and depression, if that is what she has.
When people are mentally ill and cannot think straight, Allah in His mercy does not hold them accountable. The main thing right now is getting your sister help.
I do not know how long your sister has been suffering from this condition nor do I know what previous interventions have been tried.
It’s important for you to know and examine these things for your information. If she has been feeling this way for many years, perhaps it is something she’s gotten used to, sadly.
If it is a recent sudden change wherein she wants to sleep all the time, has lost her faith, and feels depressed and suicidal, then it will be more of a crisis situation.
In either case, as suicidal ideation is serious, I encourage you to call The Suicide Prevention Hotline at and discuss with them your concerns about your sister.
If she is truly a threat to herself and serious about suicide, she may be a 5150. This means that under certain conditions, she can be admitted to the hospital against her will if she is a threat to herself or others.
While this is not the most optimal way of getting help it may be essential, especially if she is suicidal. Please do call the hotline so they can assess the situation and make the appropriate call regarding your sister’s risk factors.
Mental Health at Risk Due to Sister’s Possible Depression
Sister, you asked if it is a family’s responsibility to be your sister’s life support or suicidal watch.
You are also concerned about having to continuously tell her to try to go to therapy even though she won’t go. You feel that your sister is too depressing to live with, and it makes you depressed as well.
You went on and further stated that her condition and attitude make you want to kill yourself. Therefore, I must ask you to please evaluate your own mental health status regarding what you have written.
Do you really feel this way? Do you feel that you are depressed and at risk for suicide as well?
Please evaluate what you are saying and thinking in terms of your own mental health and safety.
In shaa’ Allah, please call the Suicide Prevention hotline for support and referrals for counseling. If you feel you may harm yourself, go to the nearest ER. Let someone close to you know how you are feeling, sister.
Responsibilities
Sister, all families hold a responsibility towards one another. Usually, when a family member falls ill, other members take turns caring for the person that no one burns out.
It’s not just on one person. If it is all on you to take care of your sister, please discuss with other family members and have everyone take turns care for her.
In shaa’ Allah, her condition will be resolved soon with some extra supports, but for now you may need a break. Despite these responsibilities, yes you do have the right to live your own life and in a happy manner.
Right now though, it sounds like you are suffering from burn out and possibly depression as well. Please do take care of yourself.
Self-Care
Sister, ensure that you eat healthfully, get proper sleep, engage in joyful and fun activities, and enjoy social outings with friends. This will add a balance to your life and relieve some of the stress you have been under.
Check out this counseling video:
I would also kindly suggest counseling to help you deal with what you have been going through.
A counselor can offer other supportive services that may help you deal with the situation with your sister. As you live in the US, there should be a lot of services available to assist you with both her needs and your own.
Conclusion
Sister, it appears that you have been doing all that you can to get your sister some help. May Allah bless you for your efforts.
I would kindly suggest that you call the crisis services regarding both your and your sister’s suicidal ideations. Follow up with counseling, for you and your sister if she is willing, and practice self-care.
Involve other family members in your sister’s care. Continue to try to get her into therapy, but do not let it consume your life.
Make duaa’ to Allah for your sister’s willingness to seek help and ask Him to grant you ease.
In shaa’ Allah, your sister will decide to go for therapy soon. Don’t give up on hope, but also do not stop living your life in a joyful way.
You can be a wonderful support for your sister, but the ultimate decision to get help lies with your her.
Allah is most merciful. We wish you the best.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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