I’m here to ask for help in regards to a severe issue that I’ve been experiencing lately, An issue with faith and belief. I’ve kept it deep down inside me for a long time now and it has been a torment for me since day one. I’ve been in pain for months right now, 24/7. I can’t get these thoughts out of my mind and it’s literally killing me, to the point where I began to wish I was never born. It might seem like an over-exaggeration to you but trust me I’m telling the truth and I’ve been searching for help in articles and previous questions for decades. It’s the first time that I’m seeking out help by myself in hopes of getting the best remedy possible.
I wanted to complain about these thoughts and doubts that have been attacking me for a while now whenever I hear anything related to my religion. I swear I’ve tried everything possible, I prayed, I fasted, I asked Allah to help me but nothing seemed to change. I’m 19, and throughout my whole life I’ve been a faithful religious person. I pray all five prayers in the mosque. My love for Allah and his prophet (P.B.U.H) was immeasurable. All of that started to change when I was about 16.
It was when I first heard about Darwin’s theory in class. I was warned about it by my father when I was young that there will be a lot of people throughout your whole life who will try to stumble and weaken your faith and belief. I was young and didn’t really get what he meant by it. I just told him not to worry. His advice started to make sense when I first heard about Darwin’s theory. This theory by itself threw me in a state of confusion and fear for weeks. We didn’t go in depth of it, but the fact that there are many people out there that believe in it was enough to throw me into that state. For a week straight I couldn’t resist myself from thinking about those people that don’t believe in god, why are they alive, and what’s their goal in life.
I wasn’t experiencing any doubt at the time but for some reason, my faith began to grow weaker unconsciously. I don’t know why but I stopped going to the mosque as frequently, although I still managed to never miss a prayer. My connection with Allah began to decrease. I didn’t give it much thought back then and I was thinking it’s just a phase. But unfortunately it didn’t.
That's when I really became self aware about my state, fear emerged from my heart. I began to question myself how I actually allowed such a thing to happen? What was the cause of it? Was it really those people that my father warned me of? This is when I started to try to go back on track, but for some reason, I found it hard to go back. I found it hard to listen to a Hadith or verse. Whenever a religion related thing is introduced to a topic I feel some sort of pressure being applied to my chest.
These things progressed on and started to get stronger and stronger each day. I was scared and began to think what if I became a disbeliever because of these thoughts. I feel like Allah hates me. I try to become more righteous, the shaytaan begins to whisper to me about how much I’m missing out in life, and that Islam is suppressing me, and he begins to place bad thoughts about my religion and Allah, really bad thoughts that I can’t tell you about.
I began to search for solutions from the internet and Islamic sites, but there’s nothing that helped me much. Some articles say that doubts are essential in every Muslim and that they’re placed and fueled by the waswas. And that anyone experiencing them should ignore such thoughts and they’ll be fine as long as they continue their prayers and what they’re obligated to do. Another article says that if any believer had a single doubt, they’re considered disbelievers and are sent to hell.
I’m afraid that I’ll be one of those people tested in their graves and are categorized as disbelievers because I had a small doubt that was placed by the waswas or others. I began to increase my prayers drastically and ask Allah for forgiveness if I did anything wrong or if any passing thought had any sort of disbelief in it. But whenever I pray or talk to him I feel like he hates me. I feel like I’m cursed and pushed away from him. I begin to lose hope, I feel really depressed.
Please find me the most effective remedy to get me back on track before it’s too late. I swear to God I can’t spend a minute without thinking of how doomed I am. I can only imagine myself standing in front of Allah on the day of judgement, what should I tell him? I wish that I’ll have a concussion sometime which makes me forget about all these thoughts and send me back to the days where I’m the most faithful. I really need help, and please don’t forget to make dua for me.
Answer
In this counseling session:
- Be sure brother Allah knows your struggles and appreciates all the efforts you have been taking to solve the inner conflicts inside you.
- Keep praying to Allah brother.
- Seek help from your mosque and ask your questions face to face.
- Feel peace that everyone faces challenges, everyone’s faith decreases and increases. What matters is you sit back and relax or you always work on doing good deeds, and become a better person and Muslim.
Salam Aleikom brother,
Thank you for pouring out your fears and concerns to us. Mashallah, it shows you are sincere and wants to be a Muslim Allah is pleased with.
Inner conflict
Be sure brother Allah knows your struggles and appreciates all the efforts you have been taking to solve the inner conflicts inside you. May Allah grant you peace and happiness, amen. Never give up on your prayers and ask Him.
By all the challenges of life Allah wants us to face, we grow. We learn something about ourselves and we become better people and Muslims. So relax, you are not alone with your fears and troubling thoughts.
Brother, you said “I only manage to get 2-3 hours of sleep.” and “I swear I’ve tried everything, everything possible.” I am sure you have. And keep doing all what you have been doing while searching for other solutions as well because it seems these issues – rightly- interfere in your life to a great extent.
Have you tried talking to your local imam, someone in the mosque who is knowledgeable about your doubts? Reading on the Internet is a one sided communication; you can read many things that may or may not ease your feelings. You experienced this by yourself.
Source of information
You wrote: I began to search for solutions from the internet and Islamic sites, but there’s nothing that helped me much, some articles say that doubts are essential in every Muslim and that they’re placed and fueled by the waswas, and that anyone experiencing them should ignore such thoughts and they’ll be fine aslong as they continue their prayers and what they’re obligated to do… and other articles say that if any believer had a single doubt, they’re considered disbelievers and are sent to hell.”
We live in a world of information load. We need strategies to filter this much data. Therefore, when it comes to Islamic knowledge, the best you can do is talk to a knowledgeable person face to face who feels you. There is a back and forth communication.
You can ask more and more, and he can reflect and give you a more tailored answer. If you find a person who is knowledgeable in Islam as well as psychology, a Muslim psychologist for example, that would be the best, in my opinion.
These thoughts push you into a depressed mood. By only thinking over and over and focusing on the answers is not going to be enough to reach your inner peace. Please, take care of yourself, your happiness and while working on finding the intellectual solutions to your problem, do things you enjoy and bring positive vibes into your life. Exercise, walk in nature, have a hobby. Be with positive people who like you. This is important too!
Self development
Also, know that as you are 19, you are in a stage when such questions about your faith, our existence is completely normal. The problem would be if you do not have such questions.
You wrote: “I began to question myself how I actually allowed such a thing to happen, and what was the cause of it, was it really those people that my father warned me of?”
This is really good brother that you ask questions and seek answers. Just do not stress about it. It is normal. Keep this up in all parts of your life. Do not let yourself driven by emotion and social pressure only. Analyze yourself and the world around you.
While faith decreases and increases for all of us regardless of age, at your age it is crucial that you ask such questions and find your answers as well. This is part of you creating a firm identity which is essential in adulthood. You are in the transition of becoming an adult from a child. So feel peace.
Darwin’s theory and doubts in faith
Now, let me go into some more depth of your message.
From the basic knowledge I have obtained at the Islamic Online University, I know that Darwin’s theory is not completely wrong. The theory has elements that are compatible with Islam, but not the idea of humans evolving from monkeys.
My second thought on the issue is that theories are not facts. Theories are possible reasons, yet might be right or wrong. As many non – Muslim scientists have also proved Darwin’s theory to be inaccurate.
However, I am not an Islamic scholar. With this question, you may want to write to our Ask about Islam section.
Check out this counseling video:
People believe in everything
From now on in my answer, I will quote from you and reflect on that part. I hope my answers will relax you.
You wrote: “We didn’t go in depth of it, but the fact that there are many people out there that believe in it was enough to throw me into that state.”
You find people believe in all kinds of things. People believe Friday 13 brings bad luck, they put amulets in the house to protect themselves from the evil eye. People believe marketing slogans and buy products that they actually do not need. People believe humans are the creation of aliens, or if you remember they believed life will and in the year 2000, 2012 and even 2020 because of the Mayan calendar.
You cannot base facts on people’s beliefs. Others think Muslims are crazy to believe in the Quran. Or atheists think believers are crazy believing in an “imaginary creature.”
Study Islam
I would advise you to first focus on your deed. Study Islam. Enroll on IOU or any other Islamic institute. Have a system, a curriculum you learn about Islam, especially aqeedah, and the pillars of faith. Why we believe in Allah, who is Allah, why there is no doubt the Quran is the truth ffrom God, and why Muhammad is surely his messenger. Study the doubts, the “critics” non Muslims raise and how Muslim scolars easily refute them. Be firm in the knowledge of your faith.
Then when you meet any idea such as Darwinism, or the teachings of Christianity, or whatever, now you will have a strong lance throughout you can observe this new idea.
Allah wants us to think, to examine the world around us. So questions are good and essential. Without them it is only blind following Allah warns us against.
“And how many Signs in the heavens and the earth do they pass by? Yet they turn (their faces) away from them! Yusuf – 12:105”
“For a week straight I couldn’t resist myself from thinking about those people that don’t believe in god, why are they alive, and what’s their goal in life.”
Allah has not forced anyone to believe. He has sent messengers and the guidance. Everyone has the chance to think and decide how they want to live their life. We are not responsible for what others do.
Without faith, you can create goals. I am sure you also have other goals except entering Jannah: finish your studies, have a good job, marry, have children, travel the world. Worldly stuff.
If this thought troubles you, please write to or Ask about Islam section.
Satan
“I try to become more righteous, the shaytaan begins to whisper to me about how much I’m missing out in life, and that Islam is suppressing me, and he begins to place bad thoughts about my religion and Allah, really bad thoughts that I can’t tell you about…”
This is the “job” of Satan: whispering us continuously. As you are young and most likely live in the West, the best whisper of him is convincing you how much you miss out on life. Islam is a balanced religion.
It establishes certain borders, but between the borders you can do whatever. And know the borders are for our physical, emotional, spiritual well-being. What’s beyond the fence might be attractive, but definitely something that might harm us in a way.
Satan always works, always tries to seduce us to leave the path of Allah. As long as you keep thinking, have feelings of trouble whether your faith is strong, whether you are a good Muslim, know that you are on the right path, biznillah.
Practical guide
“All these articles tell me to keep my faith high in Allah and keep praying, but the problem is my faith continues to grow weaker and weaker.”
You know here is the problem? These articles you read do not give you a practical guide. We humans need specific guidelines in our life. Schools have curriculum, workplaces have their own rules, families have their own dynamics.
I encourage you to read articles that give you specific tips for strengthening the face. Then take ONLY ONE tip at a time. Try and see how it works. Give it a time of 2-3 weeks when you implement it in your life. Then see another one.
For me, learning about the explanation of the Quran (tafseer) on Bayyinah TV is the best I can do. Praying Sunnah prayers make me also feel I have accomplished something. But just looking out of the window, thinking of the beauty of this world I see, feeling the sunshine on my face…enjoying the silence also brings me closer to Allah.
I hope my answers have brought some ease to you.
Keep praying to Allah brother.
Seek help from your mosque and ask your questions face to face.
Feel peace that everyone faces challenges, everyone’s faith decreases and increases. What matters is you sit back and relax or you always work on doing good deeds, and become a better person and Muslim.
May Allah bless you,
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