All the time I feel like fleeing from everyone, yet I fear to be alone. I am constantly thinking to commit suicide although I won't. I don't know how to deal with my worries.
I am always confused even over simple stuff. I want to be at peace with myself. I am from an abusive environment. People have complained about me that I talk less, I write poems, and I show affection. I have been humiliated.
In this counseling answer:
- I think your worries are a result of being emotionally hurt given the negativity you face and the abusive environment you live in.
- The only way to overcome the constant fear and worry of the future and anything is to realize that is not in your control. What is in your control are your thoughts and your present.
- Please do seek professional counseling.
- You can change your thoughts for the better and work hard in your present for a better future.
- This life is a blessing from Allah and only He is the one who decides when life and death can be given. Suicide is a sin which is seriously disliked by Allah.
- If you ever feel like harming yourself, please call the suicide hotline.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
I am sorry to hear of the internal troubles you are currently undergoing. Rest assured that this a test from Allah.
The Prophet said:
“Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Nature of human
Dear sister, the planet earth has more than 7 billion people. We are just one individual; we cannot carry the burden of the entire planet. There will be people who we will come across, sometimes even our own parents, who will not act in our best interest. People will insult, degrade, and be unforgiving towards us at times even though we try to be our best but not to their levels.
When our own parents can behave in such a manner, then what expectations should we have from the other billions of people on the planet? I have heard this quote before, “in darkness, even our own shadow leaves us.” Therefore, we should not internalize anything and lead ourselves towards an unhealthy lifestyle.
Seek Allah’s pleasure
We are the slaves of Allah. We have been created to seek happiness, forgiveness, comfort, subsistence, and satisfaction in life from His remembrance. If we seek happiness from anything other than Allah, then we will always be disappointed. Because nothing in life is permanent.
We must work on making our source of happiness acts of worship, with the intention of being rewarded by Allah alone.
Negative comments from others hurt us. We have been created in such a way. And we feel depressed and down. We feel unworthy and lost. In addition, when people behave rudely with us, and we are silent, people mistake our silence for our fault, not knowing that the Prophet Muhammed said,
“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.” [Abu Dawud]
On the other hand, when we do argue and try to prove ourselves, even if we are trying to be polite about it, we are labeled as those without manners and the proper knowledge of Quran and Sunnah. Therefore, dear sister, peace of mind is only attainable if we constantly recite the verses of the Quran with definitions in our mind. Peace comes when we try to realize the fact that this life is a test and is only temporary.
As a result, we must do what is right if it is permissible in Islam. If the fact that you are writing poems and showing emotions towards others is being criticized, then you must not let that criticism affect you in any way possible. Disregard whatever negative comments come your way and be satisfied that what you are doing is good for you and is not doing anything to hurt others.
We simply cannot afford to buy everyone’s comments and negativity. Not only does this deteriorate our mental health, it is also detrimental towards our spiritual being. It prevents us from being productive towards Islamic or secular education.
Check out this counseling video:
As for your worries, I think they are a result of being emotionally hurt given the negativity you face and the abusive environment you live in. The only way to overcome the constant fear and worry of the future and anything is to realize that is not in your control. What is in your control are your thoughts and your present. You can change your thoughts for the better and work hard in your present for a better future.
You need to divert your mind from everything that surrounds you. Sometimes, when you are not keeping yourself busy, all the negative thoughts multiply and grow. They will make it hard to be positive about anything in life. You need to let your mind free. Read books, watch interesting documentaries, do fun activities, get physically active, converse with positive people, do art, and go on a nature walk.
In addition, the Prophet said,
“If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud]
So, make a habit of reading “Astaghfirullah-I seek forgiveness from Allah” at least 100 times daily. [Abu Dawud]
And be never afraid to do good deeds. Allah is all merciful. In fact, He is the epitome of mercy.
The Prophet said,
“Allah created a hundred mercies, and He placed one mercy among his creation, they show mercy to one another by it, and there are ninety-nine mercies with Allah.” [Jami at -Tirmidhi]
Therefore, dear sister, do not despair in the mercy from Allah. If He is testing you at this point in life, be sure that He will certainly bless you at another point in life. This life is a blessing from Allah and only He is the one who decides when life and death can be given. Suicide is a sin which is seriously disliked by Allah. If you ever feel like harming yourself, please call the suicide hotline.
The Prophet said,
“He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire.” [Sahih Bukhari]
There is also a supplication that you can read as narrated by Anas B Malik.
“I used to serve the Prophet and often hear him say: “O Allah, I seek refuge in You from grief and anxiety, from the hardships of debt, and from being overpowered by men.” [Abu Dawud]
I pray that Allah changes your situation for the best.
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