I am a Mexican American student from the US. I have always loved going to school. I am a good student, and most of the friends I have around me are from there. I also attend Qu'ran classes on Saturday mornings. But everything has changed since that mass shooting in that school last month, you know. All the news was full of these terrible images of these poor kids. They were almost my age. Latinos like me! And they were just murdered. And it is happening again and again, as recently there was another murder in a supermarket as well. Was this really Allah's plan? Why does He want this suffering for these children? It makes me cry and I can't stand to think about it. They were just like me and my friends; they woke up, went to school, and that was the end of it..
I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. It makes me so anxious to think that it could have happened in our school. And what if next time someone enters my class with a gun? Can I die at any given moment like this, ending up shot dead in my class?.
I just get so anxious about this that I do not want to go to school anymore. I can't even sleep well, as I wake up in the middle of the night worrying that in the morning I have to wake up and go to school..
I trust in Allah, but what if this is my destiny? I just want to be more relaxed but cannot forget it. I am trying hard to think about other things and follow up with my studies but I just can't. I have always been an anxious type, but I feel I cannot control my fears anymore. What should I do? Please, I want to enjoy going to school again..
Answer
Salam alaikom dear sister,
Thank you for writing to us. I understand your sadness and your pain. It is something we all share because of this tragic event.
You stated that you no longer want to go to school following the recent school shooting. You feel too anxious and overwhelmed with your fears. You can’t sleep and can’t get over what happened.
Indeed, this tragic event makes us reflect upon our own vulnerabilities in life and about the ultimate power of Allah. We feel for these young victims, for the teachers and for their families. Also, we might end up thinking about the meaning of life or questioning the will of Allah, the Almighty.
A Traumatic Experience
First hand experience of a sudden tragic event can indeed be very traumatic and requires further support for those who were directly involved. But you can also suffer from the negative consequences and symptoms of trauma if you were not directly involved, but for multiple reasons, you felt close to the victims.
You are also a student and “almost the same age” as those kids. You mentioned that you are a Mexican American, a Latino, just like the majority of the victims who lost their lives.
It is quite understandable that you are feeling “close” to those kids, and the perceived similarity makes you feel sadder and more empathetic towards them. The images about the violence on TV and the Internet, seeing the victims and the pain of their loved ones, just intensify these emotions.
PTSD for Experiencing the Trauma of Others
According to this article, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) can also develop among those who experience the trauma and suffering of others. And a traumatic event that you perceive somehow “close to you” may take away your sense of basic security and safety.
I understand, my sister, that it is very distressing if you have lost your perception about the world as a “safe place to live.” If you experience this threat constantly, you will be under ongoing stress that can negatively affect your mental health.
The symptoms you mention: anxiety, insomnia, avoiding the school which reminds you of the event, inability to enjoy your former activities—all point out that your well-being has been affected.
Gun Violence as Source of Stress for the Youth
Sister, I would like to reassure you that you are not alone. Unfortunately, many young people experience similar feelings to a certain extent. According to a report by the American Psychological Association in 2018, 72% of young Americans between 15 and 21 considered school mass shootings a significant stress source in their lives.
This may be partly due to the high number of incidents in the United States; more than 200 mass shootings occurred across the country this year until now, according to the chart of Gun Violence Archive. This is a huge number. Although not every event ends up with mortal injuries, the high frequency impacts the sense of safety of young people, like you.
It is also a common reaction that you choose to avoid school, even if your friends are there. As Dr. Joel Fein physician says,
“The fear overcomes the need to connect with other people, and that’s the real tragedy of what violence does to communities.”
How to Overcome These Fears?
I advise you to share your struggle with others who feel the same by joining a support group or youth circle dealing with gun violence-related trauma. Check out this list, for example.
You will be able to open up about your fears and help others by listening to theirs. This will help to reduce your anxiety, in sha Allah.
You can come together with others and organize a memorial event or a fundraiser for the victims. You can do it at your school with your friends.
Try not to expose yourself to too much disturbing news and images about the victims and their injuries, whether on TV, on social media, or on the Internet. Reduce the time you spend consuming news about this or similar events. Choose an informative one that sticks briefly to the facts without too many overwhelming details. If you have sleep issues, avoid watching the news right before bedtime.
Try to make yourself busy with other activities. Continue your hobbies and your studies and focus on the things you love doing.
Trust in Allah
Being a Muslim and a believer in Allah and His Will is a great blessing when it comes to coping with uncertainty and unexpected events. You know that everything was written by Him.
Every event you experience-even the saddest, most tragic ones-has a purpose in your life. And this purpose is to increase your taqwa and your trust in Allah. Nothing will happen without His will.
Remember this beautiful hadith:
“O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah [alone]. And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Hadith 19, 40 Hadith an-Nawawi
My sister, put your ultimate trust in Allah, and ask only Him for protection and help.
I know that it is difficult to see the wisdom behind the deaths of innocent young children. And these kinds of events might make you question the “goodness” of Allah. But my sister, there is definitely wisdom behind this suffering.
It is a complex issue, but for example, try to think of these tragedies as reminders to mankind that something needs to be changed. It can be legislation, attitude, mindset, whatever. These events could serve as wake-up calls that direct people towards the straight path.
Find a Counselor
Sister, with time, these symptoms and fears should decrease gradually. If this does not happen, get an appointment with a counselor who can support you through one-on-one therapy.
I wish you ease, my sister!
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