But the thing that’s bothering me is my sadness. I’m keeping on missing her so much. Because we’re always together, we ate on the same plate, drank in the same cup, studied together and did everything together in my life, not even a minute I have spent without her. We even used to scold each other if we left each other for a second. Now I couldn’t live without her. Even my parents are getting pressured cause of my depression.
No matter how hard I try I also ask Allah for help in every Sajdah but I couldn’t stop those memories and worrying over it. And my dreams whenever I sleep I only get the memories we had as dreams and the next day I feel very lonely, very sad and I also feel very regretful for not being more in Allah’s way with my sister. I know asking for death to Allah isn’t permissible but I couldn’t live too. My granny, my dad, my mom everyone advises me to leave the burden to Allah and be happy but no matter how hard I try I couldn’t. I don’t know what to do.
Please help me in Allah’s way.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Don’t rush yourself to “get over” her death and move on at a pace that you can’t manage.
- Find solace with Allah. Ask Him to make things easier for you.
- You can ease things by filling this space with something useful and productive.
- Counseling can be incredibly beneficial to get additional support to deal with it.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
I am so sorry for your loss. May Allah grant your sister the highest place in Jannah.
Dealing with loss is such a difficult time for everyone, especially when the loss is of someone very close, like your sister.
You did everything together, and now she is no longer with you, and suddenly you are faced with a huge void in your life.
Given how close you were, life must feel so incredibly different now, and this will take a long time to get used to.
Give Yourself Time
Grief is a long process. You have not long lost your sister and are naturally going to find it very hard to adjust since she played such a prominent part in your life.
It’s important at this delicate time that you are kind to yourself. The feelings are still very raw and fresh, and you may continue to feel this way for some time to come.
Don’t rush yourself to “get over” her death and move on at a pace that you can’t manage. Take your time, and be kind to yourself.
It will take time to adjust, and it won’t be an easy journey, but I hope that continued faith in Allah and some advice I can give you here might help ease your journey somewhat.
Find Solace with Allah
Firstly, and most importantly, continue to turn to Allah. Find solace with Him. Cry to Him. Ask Him to make things easier for you.
Pray for your deceased sister. Have faith that Allah will grant her a place in the highest ranks of Jannah, and be happy for her in this respect.
Continue to pray and be hopeful that you will be reunited in Jannah by the will of Allah and find happiness and comfort in this.
Find Something Useful and Productive
Nothing will be able to fill the space that your sister once held in your life, but you can ease things by filling this space with something useful and productive.
If you and your sister had any particular routine that you did on a regular basis, then continue to keep it up for her sake.
Or, if there’s another way that you can do these things, maybe switch things up a bit.
Keep a Routine
For example, if you used to go to gatherings together, then continue to do so.
Maintain the mutual bonds you had with other people and keep her memory alive by sharing memories of her during these times.
Of course, no one else will fill the void that she leaves in the same way, and you can’t expect anyone to, but this would allow you to fill it a bit in a helpful way that will help you take baby steps forward.
Keep Her Memory
Is there anything that your sister is particularly passionate about? Any cause that she liked to help out with, often thought of, or spiked frequently?
How about keeping her memory alive by supporting this cause, either by donating or volunteering?
Use her passing as a way to do something positive and beneficial for others that she cared about. Perhaps even get the support of mutual friends and family in supporting the cause even more and having an even larger impact.
What Would She Do?
Also, ask yourself what your sister would say to you at this time.
How would she advise you to deal with this situation? How would she have dealt with something like this?
How would you want her to deal with the situation if things had been the other way around?
Thinking about things like this could help guide you on how best to manage the situation from an alternative perspective, with someone close in mind.
Seek Counseling
Additionally, don’t feel ashamed or shy about seeking counseling.
Dealing with loss is not easy at all, and it can be incredibly beneficial to get additional support to deal with it.
It might be that going to a counselor will give you the space to just talk openly and let all your feelings out.
If you need it, your counselor might be able to offer you more support beyond talking and give you exercises to do that will help you process the grieving process, such as those I have mentioned here.
The most important thing is that you realize that it is not a straightforward or easy process to go through and that it’s okay to ask for help.
Of course, continue to turn to Allah, but also look elsewhere if needed. This is okay too.
May Allah make things easier for you at this difficult time and may He guide you through this tough time in a way that will bring comfort to you.
May you continue to find comfort in the remembrance of Allah as you move forward over the next months and years.
Read more from Hannah Morris:
- How to Deal with My Narcissistic Mother?
- Reverted to Islam, but I’ve Become an Introvert
- How to Deal with Cultural Differences in a Marriage?
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