I don't want to think anything (I think I am commiting shrik by saying this) it just happens a lot, a lot and I think I am being punished.
And those thoughts, I do engage in them or it's what I think, I always answer highly yes or no or idk and I ignore it.
I began writing it all down and I can't even fully explain it here. I get doubts during wudu, if I washed my hands properly and if I wiped my head if my finger was a bit up. I take a lot of time in my salah also, trying to pronounce each word correctly even if I don't know the pronunciation and sometimes I skip and my all time goes into this.
I don't study, I don't do any of my hobbies, I guess I am being punished and I don't feel remorse or I don't know what it feels like.
After saying my shahada I guess I don't feel remorse. I get lazy. I ask for forgiveness and then I think I should do all the things to feel remorse and sometimes I get disturbed by the thoughts or because of my laziness . How do I know if the thought was from me?
Answer
In this couseling answer:
- You may need to rewrite the internal belief that tells you that if you are not perfect or if you make mistakes, you will be rejected or punished. This often comes from human interactions and life experiences—such as being expected to meet unrealistic standards, being punished or criticized for mistakes, or being blamed even when mistakes were unintentional.
- Seek counseling, and know that these fears can be understood and accepted—they are human emotions. With therapy or counseling, you can learn how to manage them with confidence.
Assalamualaikum, sister,
Thank you for your question. It seems to me that you are very anxious about doing things correctly, especially regarding your prayers, religious worship, wudu, pronunciation of the Qur’an, and so forth.
Your anxiety and fears appear to be centered around achieving perfection in religious rituals. This is a very common issue, and you are certainly not alone, sister. We receive many letters like this.
This anxiety is a form of obsession and fear. For some people, it manifests in religious matters; for others, it appears in different emotional states or life situations. It occurs when fears become so overwhelming that they interfere with daily life.
From what you have described, it seems you fear not doing things “well enough,” fear making mistakes, and fear the consequences that you believe may result from those mistakes.
I advise you to seek counseling if possible. You did not mention your family situation. I strongly suspect there is an emotional pattern behind this fear of making mistakes or doing something wrong. These patterns usually stem from emotional struggles and not from religion.
Fear of Rejection
You may need to rewrite the internal belief that tells you that if you are not perfect or if you make mistakes, you will be punished. This often comes from human interactions and life experiences—such as being expected to meet unrealistic standards, being punished or criticized for mistakes, or being blamed even when mistakes were unintentional. Repeated cycles like this can lead to such fears, fears of rejection, for example, among other causes.
That is why I encourage you to kindly seek counseling or therapy. You may speak to a doctor, or you can try explaining your situation to your parents if possible. If there is someone you trust and feel safe with emotionally, ask for their support and explain your fears to them.
From a religious point of view, these fears are not problematic in the way you might think. We are human beings, and we make mistakes—and that is okay. Allah does not expect perfection from us. Unfortunately, some people around us may expect perfection, but Allah does not.
Accepting Flaws
Making mistakes does not result in rejection by Allah. Also, your thoughts alone are not the basis of religious judgment or accountability; accountability is based on actions and intentions, not on emotions or thoughts.
Try to focus on what brings you peace, contentment, and happiness, and what leads you to less stress. Practice redirecting your attention away from thoughts that make you feel fearful or overwhelmed, and toward thoughts that uplift you.
Please seek counseling, and know that these fears can be understood and accepted—they are human emotions. With therapy or counseling, you can learn how to manage them, insha’Allah.
May Allah make it easy for you.