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Constant Restlessness: What Am I Longing For?

17 March, 2023
Q How do I get out of a constant feeling of restlessness? Always feeling that I’m looking for something, checking social media and YouTube and messages as though waiting for some type of answer. A constant fear of good things being too good to be true, worried of losing people, like friends and family. A fear of losing things I love. I don’t know why I keep trying to go back to nostalgia from before this whole covid thing happened. Life was very different then, but arguably my life right now is so much better than life before. The things I wished for then, I have all of that now. Then why do I keep wanting that feeling from those days again? I feel as though I have lost myself somewhere deep inside me, and I don’t know how to find that me again. I feel like I’m just another person with the same expressions, way of talking, and type of jokes as the rest of my environment now. And I feel like something is missing in my life, but I don’t know what. I hope you can help me, because I am really confused. Thank you in advance, and have a great day.


In this counseling answer:

  • Get a clarification of such thoughts and feelings and find healthy coping skills to tackle them.
  • During an existential crisis, the lack of answers triggers a personal conflict from within, causing frustration and a loss of inner joy.
  • Connect with Allah through your prayers

Salam Aleikom sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear that you have been fighting with a feeling of restlessness. 

You mentioned that you have thoughts that “things are too good to be true”. You are worried about losing your loved ones and feeling as if something is still missing from your life.

Your thoughts are complex and can come from many different traumas. 

Have you gone through some major traumas in your life lately? Since when do you get these thoughts? What is exactly going on with you when you get these thoughts?

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To get to the root of them, I advise you to seek help through therapy. It takes a while to get a clear understanding of such thoughts and feelings and find healthy coping skills to tackle them. offers life coaching as well with sister Aisha, you might want to try out.

The Twelve Common Reasons for Fear of Loss

The reasons why fear of loss arises can be manifold. So, here are the 12 most common reasons that might give you a fixed point to which you can orient yourself.

Divorce: Your parents separated at an early age, and you had to grow up in a chaotic household.

Loss of loved ones: At an early age, you had to cope with the death of a close relative (mother, father, grandmother, etc.).

Inherited fear of loss: Your parents already suffered from fear of loss. They have then passed this onto you.

War: You have experienced war and what it feels like to lose family members, loved ones, and possessions.

Illness: You may have witnessed a serious illness strike someone you love.

Cheating: Your life partner has cheated on you with someone else.

Betrayal: Longtime friends betrayed your loyalty when you needed it most.

Caregivers: You have been treated badly and devalued by caregivers (e.g., your teacher).

Inadequate security: As a child, your parents did not provide you with the security you desired.

Excessive anxiety: Your parents were constantly overly concerned about your well-being.

Bullying: You were bullied in your school days and are therefore looking for a stable environment.

Mental illnesses: Mental illnesses such as depression can also be the cause of fear of loss.

Which of the following points did you recognize yourself in? Can you think of any other causes that could possibly be the reason for your fear of loss?

Existential Crisis

I am not sure of what age you are at, but I sense a kind of existential crisis among your words as well.

Healthline writes that 

“People can have an existential crisis when they start to wonder what life means and what their purpose or the purpose of life as a whole is,”

explains Katie Leikam, a licensed therapist in Decatur, Georgia, who specializes in working with anxiety, relationship stress, and gender identity. 

“It can be a break in thinking patterns where you suddenly want answers to life’s big questions.”

It’s not uncommon to search for meaning and purpose in your life. 

With an existential crisis, however, the problem lies in being unable to find satisfying answers. 

For some people, the lack of answers triggers a personal conflict from within, causing frustration and a loss of inner joy.

An existential crisis can affect anyone at any age, but many experience a crisis in the face of a difficult situation, perhaps the struggle to succeed.

Causes of Existential Crisis

Everyday challenges and stresses may not provoke an existential crisis. 

This type of crisis is likely to follow deep despair or a significant event, such as a major trauma or a major loss. A few causes of an existential crisis may include:

Guilt about something.

Losing a loved one in death, or facing the reality of one’s own death.

Feeling socially unfulfilled.

Dissatisfaction with oneself.

Having a history of bottled-up emotions.

As I said, sister, the best thing would be to seek help from one-on-one counseling.

In the meantime, please do not forget to connect with Allah through your prayers. Make dua, talk to God. Make a dua to ease your situation and find a way out of such feelings.

I hope I was able to give you some relief from your problem and some encouragement on how to proceed further.


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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.

About Timea Aya Csányi
Timea Aya Csányi studied Psychology and Islamic Studies Bsc. at the International Online University. She is a certified NLP® Practitioner, one of our writers and counselors at the "Ask the Counselor" section. She has been the editor of the "Ask the Counselor" section for 10 years. Now she mainly works as a fitness trainer and journalist.