As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum dear brother in Islam,
Thank you for asking this very important, but sensitive question. I am glad that About Islam offers people a safe place to ask such questions about things that are vital to our lives such as sex.
Our sex drive is second only to our “survival mechanism” – our drive to stay alive in the face of danger. This is because sex is the medium on which we continue as the human race. This means that Allah (swt) created sex as an interactive process, not a solitary one. Even thinking, which is our most solitary act, is not done alone. Have you ever thought about that? The way we think is a conversation! We get messages from our soul/self/ or nafs; it tells us what our fitrah or nature needs. But Allah (swt) also lets Satan challenge our thoughts.
The point is: only Allah (swt) is One. Inversely, that means we are not one; inescapably, we’re creatures of interaction. The most fundamental interaction we have is with Allah (swt). We depend on Him to provide us with the things our bodies need to stay alive, e.g., oxygen, water, food, shelter, etc. The material things Allah (swt) provides for our survival are signs of Allah (swt). They are also mercy from Allah (swt) to us. Recognizing the world as signs of Allah (swt) and His Mercy are the way in which a believer comes to believe in Allah (swt). However, we need something more from Allah (swt): the touch of another human being. And touch is more important for our survival than those other created things because our soul cannot survive without it.
Touch, in normal circumstances, is one of the signs of love. Allah (swt) loves us by giving us the provisions we need to survive. But He (swt) also gives us another source of love – a worldly source of love. Allah (swt) says in the Quran that He (swt) created everything —even the plants—in pairs. (30:21) Only Allah (swt) is The One. In fact, this source of love is so profound that some people think that they don’t need Allah (swt) when they have this source of love. Often, they forget about Allah (swt) and don’t believe in Him.
So, what does this mean for you and all of us? We cannot escape our reality that we were created in pairs. We feel the need to have our other pair. When a person masturbates, whom are we interacting with? I don’t know the answer to that question, but I do know that it is not our “pair” (a spouse). Thus, it is not harmony – the beautiful union of two different things. It is also not a union with our fitrah (innate human nature). This is important in terms of our true understanding of tawheed, the Oneness of Allah (swt). But, it is also an important in terms of understanding our own psychology—to be “in” our fitrah, we need to be “in” a pair.
So, I suggest that the next time you look out the window, you see the horizon not as a single line between earth and sky, but as two things – earth and sky. I suggest you view the single sun as not single, but as the way our earth stays afloat. If there is only one color on the horizon, see it as interacting with your eyes because without your eyes, would it exist for you? When you start trying to see the “interactiveness” of everything around us (except Allah [swt] who depends on nothing to exist), then you will begin to need your pair to be able to realize your sexuality properly, In Sha’Allah.
As regards your other questions about your intellectual and emotional drain and inadequacies, and penis size, etc., I don’t know the answers to those questions as they are the physical sciences and my areas of study are psychology, psychotherapy, and life coaching. However, I suspect that when you get your mind in line with the true nature of your creation, the other problems will begin to resolve themselves and fall into place better than they have been doing in the past few years, in Sha’ Allah.
May Allah (swt) make it easy for you,
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