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Shall I Marry a Divorced Man?

23 November, 2022
Q I met a nice Muslim boy through some mutual friends. However, I am unsure of what to do.

I am 23 and he is 30. He has been married before and has a child. He has also been to jail. He is a lovely person and very respectful.

However, I am unsure of how to bring this up to my parents. I am scared they will not accept him.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Many Muslims have been married before and have children. Many Muslims have been to prison and are now wonderful Muslims. People change.

•You say that he is a very nice person and respectful. What about his faith? What about his devotion to Allah and following Islam?

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•Before you tell your parents about him that you do ensure that he has the above-mentioned qualities.

You want to present to your parents a man who has a good reputation and his religion is on point.


A Salaam Alaikum sister,

You stated that you met a nice Muslim boy through some friends.

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You stated that he was married before and has a child. He has also been to prison.

Judgment and Mercy

Sister, the part about him being married and having a child is fine.

There is nothing wrong with that. Many Muslims have been married before and have children.

Many Muslims have been to prison and are now wonderful Muslims. People change.

Questions

However, my question would be, has this man changed? What did he go to prison for? How long ago was it and what was it for? These are the questions you need to know.

You say that he is a very nice person and respectful.

What about his faith? What about his devotion to Allah and following Islam?

Is the brother known in the community and respected? I will kindly suggest sister that insha’Allah you inquire about him through your friends at first.

Find out about his reputation and personality in the community.

If his situation is that he is serving Allah, following Islam, and truly is a good person, there is no reason why you should not present him to your parents.

If Allah forgives us for our sins, and we do have many sins, then we need to be forgiving of other people.

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Qur’an & Sunnah

If you decide that you are interested in marrying him, there are points in the Qur’an and Sunnah that discuss forgiveness of sins, and how people do change become the best Servants of Allah.

There is no haram in marrying somebody who has been previously married and has a child.

Many cultures do have a stigma against it but it is not against Islam.


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 In fact, our Prophet (PBUH) married widows with children.

The important factors sister are if he loves and serves Allah, is following Islam, is Islamically permissible for you as well as the both of you are compatible.

Before Presenting to Parents

I do advise you insha’Allah, before you tell your parents about him that you do ensure that he has the above-mentioned qualities. 

You want to present to your parents a man who has a good reputation and his religion is on point.

Like all parents, they will want to ensure that their daughter is marrying a kind Muslim man who will lead her to Jannah.

Insha’Allah, things will work out as you wish and your parents will embrace him.  

We wish you the best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/youth-q-a/want-to-get-married/marriage-know-religious/

I Changed My Mind; I Want to Refuse This Proposal

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/my-life-at-a-downfall/

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.