Answer
Answer:
Wa ‘Alaikum Salam brother,
When it comes to marriage, here are some things to consider. First, it is good ma sha’ Allah that you are considering marriage in order to protect yourself, since the Prophet (peace be upon him) says:
“Whoever has the ability should marry for it is better in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. Whoever is not able let him fast for it is for him a restraint.” (Al-Bukhari)
The age of 24/25 is a fair age to start considering marriage, especially if you believe that you can handle the responsibility of taking care of your future wife, your home, and possibly children in sha’ Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) says:
“All of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The imam is a custodian, and will be asked about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family, and he will be asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband’s house, and she will be asked about her charges. The servant is a custodian of his boss’s property, and he will be asked about his charges … So all of you are custodians and will be asked about your charges.” (Al-Bukhari)
Therefore, marriage can be, indeed, a means to find love, mercy, and tranquility as described in the Quran; however, it is also a great responsibility.
When it comes to finances, Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:
“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female. If they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace for Allah encompasses all, and He knows all things.”[24:32]
Therefore, in this verse Allah (SWT) is promising that He will provide financially for those who seek marriage. Having said that, you should also do your part in trying to secure yourself financially – you mentioned that your family is providing you with some support. Would this support be sufficient for you and your wife? Also, is there a possibility that you could find part-time work while studying in order to supplement your income? If so, then financially speaking, it could be possible to get married at this time, while ensuring your future wife understands that income may be limited for a few years until you complete your education.
When marrying, it is also important to consider other aspects beside the financial aspect, which is your readiness to become a husband. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“If one whose character and religion please you comes to you (with a proposal), you should marry him (to your single women). If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great corruption.” (Tirmidhi)
Therefore, there is a great emphasis on character and religion when a sister wants to choose a husband.
Also, a man said to Al-Hassan Al-Basri: “To whom should I marry my daughter?” Al-Hassan said, “To one who fears Allah for if he comes to love her, he will honor her, and if he dislikes her he will not oppress her.”
There are many other ahadith that point to the importance of treating women in kindness such as
“Take care with regard to women. Verily, the woman was created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the top. So, if you insist on straightening it, you will only break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So take care with regard to women.” (Bukhari)
Also,
“The best of you are those who are best with their families, and I am the best with my family.” (Tirmidhi)
When it comes to you considering a wife, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Women are married for four: her wealth, her family, her beauty and her religion. So succeed with the one with religion, may your hands be in the dust (i.e., may you be impoverished if you ignore this warning).” (Bukhari)
So the advice is to choose the one whose religion is strong in sha’ Allah, since she will in sha’ Allah rise the future generation and support you on the path to Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him also said):
”Make a good choice of who will bear your children. Marry those who are compatible with you.” (Ibn Majah)
Generally, here are four steps you can follow when considering marriage:
Educate Yourself
- Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse; what is permissible to do and what is impermissible.
- Research the type of meaningful questions you want to ask.
- Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other as husband and wife.
- Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
- Pay the Islamic Bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life.
Decide On Desired Characteristics
- Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have keeping in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be. For men, the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) character and religion are the most important.
- Recognize traits and values that he must have, and also areas that you are willing to compromise.
- Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self; what qualities do you have to offer?
Consider a Potential Spouse
- Consult trusted friends, family, or the local mosque to help you.
- Hold meetings in the presence of your parents.
- Ensure that you and your family speak to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person.
- Reflect upon his character traits, values, expectations, goals and dreams, and your compatibility in this respect.
Pray Istikharah (The Guidance Prayer)
- Pray Istikharah for counsel, guidance and make du’aa’.
- Consult family and friends and take good advice.
- Seek your parents’ approval and blessing; a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision.
Finally, having come this long way, place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision, and in sha’ Allah it will be a fruitful decision that supports you on your path to Allah (SWT).
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.