Answer
In this counseling answer:
“I believe it would be wise for you and the girl whom you want to marry to be patient and wait for some time for things to cool down in both families. Hopefully, after this period, your parents (both yours and hers) would be somehow ready to open their hearts and minds a bit and discuss the issue again.”
As-Salamu `Alaikum dear brother,
Thank you for your question. May Allah guide you to what is best for you, your family and all other parties, and may He bestow you with consent and happiness in your life.
Effective communication is the key here in your situation. This is when people manage to listen actively to each other’s points of view, respect them, weigh them and see the good side in every point of view. It involves being able to see things from different perspectives, opening one’s mind and heart to what the other has to say and being flexible to modify one’s opinion if necessary.
I believe it would be wise for you and the girl whom you want to marry to be patient and wait for some time for things to cool down in both families. Both families now must be in a state of agitation where they are not willing to listen to any other opinion other than what they have arrived at and decided. It might be that any attempt to try to convince them would make them insist more on their decision.
Hopefully, after this period, your parents (both yours and hers) would be somehow ready to open their hearts and minds a bit and discuss the issue again. In sha‘ Allah, they will accept to change their minds or at least explain to you in a respectful manner the reasons behind their decision.
It is your turn at that time (and here I mean you and the girl each with his/her own parents) to open your minds and hearts, too, and actively listen to them and see what they have to say to you. Then evaluate and see what they might be right in and what they might be wrong in. It could be that you find some points you agree with and others you feel your parents have some misunderstandings about, so try to solve them.
You may also find some points that could be compromised and you can reach some middle solutions in. Thus, listen carefully and quietly so that you will be able to break down the issue into smaller points and analyze each point separately.
You may also want to think about seeking the help of a trustworthy adult who knows you and your family well. Someone who is wise and can try to act wisely and mediate between the different opinions to reach a decision that is suitable for different parties. This adult may be a relative, a family friend, a neighbor, an imam, etc.
At all times and in all your steps remember the power of du`aa’ and the importance of seeking Allah’s help and guidance. With du`aa’, you might find that Allah has opened a way for you that you have never thought about before. Therefore, maintain a strong relationship with Allah and continue supplicating in sujud (prostration) and in all times. Don’t forget to pray istikhara prayer as well and to ask Allah to show you the right decision, in sha’ Allah.
We hope we have been able to provide you with some guidance in your situation. Feel free to write us back if you feel you need further assistance.
Salam,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
