Answer
In this counseling answer:
“It sounds as if this man is not worth marrying anyway, given his two-faced nature and inability to commit to anything. I know you have strong feelings for him, but you need to use your rational intellect here and try and see the situation without the bias of your feelings polluting what is really happening.”
As-Salamu `Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for your question. Islam has provided us with much wisdom in the area of relationships between men and women. Too often, we are not aware of how great this wisdom actually is, until we find ourselves in situations like the one you are in.
Islam encourages men and women to have pure and open intentions when getting involved in relationships. If those intentions to marry are not pure and not open, then we should avoid such relationships until we are ready for that kind of commitment. I think your example is yet another example of how true this teaching is. Your intentions are clearly pure in that you want to marry this man. His, on the other hand, are not.
My advice to you is simple, but it will take a great amount of willpower on your part. You should give this man a final ultimatum for marriage and if he refuses, then say goodbye to him and completely cut-off communications for good. I know it’s easier said than done, but sometimes we have to experience pain in the short-term to allow us to have long-term happiness. That’s the price we must pay sometimes, but in the end, it will be for the better, in sha’Allah.
I know, for I went through something similar when I was younger. I know how hard it is, how much it hurts, and how you cannot see beyond what is happening to you right now, including a future without this man. Do not despair, though, for what you are feeling is normal. Things will change; that is something that can always be counted on in this life.
It sounds as if this man is not worth marrying anyway, given his two-faced nature and inability to commit to anything. I know you have strong feelings for him, but you need to use your rational intellect here and try and see the situation without the bias of your feelings polluting what is really happening.
Don’t ever despair what Allah has planned for you. In sha’ Allah, there is a better man waiting for you in the future who will make a much better husband than this man would.
You must always keep hope in the promise of Allah, and we must always strive to surrender ourselves to His Will, for He always knows what is best for His slaves, regardless of whether it is evident to us at the moment. In sha’ Allah, His Wisdom will manifest to us later when we are not so emotionally attached to the situation.
I hope this helps. Please feel free to write us again if you have further questions.
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