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Not Pretty Enough, Parents Want Me to Marry Anyone

14 March, 2023
Q I am 23-year-old. My parents are looking for a spouse for me. I am a bit dark skinned and the guys are not finding me pretty. Due this reason my parents are saying I can’t be picky about a guy and I should get married to the one who likes me even if he doesn’t have qualities which I need in a spouse or to whom I am not attracted. They are saying if I become really specific and picky no one will marry me. Me and my parents are religious. I have tried making them understand it’s not my fault that guys are not finding me pretty and I should not compromise because of this. But they are not understanding and this making me resent and disrespectful against them. Is there a solution to this?

Answer

Aisha Mohammad
14 March, 2023

Allah created us in diversity, and one color is not better than another. This is racism and colorism, a cultural issue, not an Islamic one.

Love yourself as you are, including your skin color. Be sure that Allah has created for you someone who will like you especially for that. 

You do not need to stick to your local area when you are considering a future spouse.

If there is no one around with a more “elevated” mindset, know that you can wait for someone who loves you for who you are and with whom you are compatible.

Check out the full advice here. 

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racism marital counseling cultural Islam parents refuse marriage
About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.