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Marrying an Older Woman: How to Convince My Father?

22 November, 2022
Q Assalamu-alaikum everyone.

I know this may ring some bells considering my age.

I am 20 and I wish to get married to someone older to me. She is 10 years older and is a single mother to one. I have liked this woman for the past 4 years and I recently got into a relationship with her.

We both have cut it off alhamdulillah due to the sin and to have something purer. She wanted to get married to me and so did I. But some things such as not having an income and still being in university made it not possible for me to marry right now no matter how much I want to. So, she has just told me to come back to her when I am able to.

I have been called by many, even my parents, that I'm ahead of my age mentally and my maturity was always sought upon by a woman that was older and has dealt with the world.

I have always had this view of marrying earlier, it has always been a wish of mine and it grows stronger and stronger every day. I have a deep desire to be married and to be free from any sin, to be happy and to be someone else's pride. I want to care and I want to be a responsible man to a woman that has faced a lot in her life.

Her father wants to marry her off and I fear that by the time I am able to do anything she won't be there. I am currently in no contact with her, I don't have any communication with her.

I do nothing but pray for this woman to be mine. So, I have no idea what is going on.

I know if you make du'aa for something/someone, you also have to work for it.

I don't know what I should do, I don't want to lose this woman as she has made me a better man in every single way, we both pushed each other to be better and righteous together, she really admired and wanted to get married with me, we both pushed each other to follow the sunnah and Qur'an in every aspect of life. It is very hard for me to connect with someone that personally and I have never felt so understood and connected to anyone else. I have never seen anyone else that is a complete mirror image of my thinking, my logic, my persona and my values. We both mirrored each other and had a deep desire to get married.

I have talked to my mother and she's skeptical about it but I can convince her, but she fears my father and so do I. I fear he will never let me get married to her. So, I feel helpless and broken, I pray for her but I should be doing something I feel like.

What should I do, please help

Answer

If you really want to marry her, her age and her children should not be an obstacle.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the best of examples, married women who were older than him, who had children, who were divorced, or who were widows.

Premarital Prep Masterclass.. Join the Workshop

Show that you are responsible and aware of your role, even if you are younger. Try to find a part-time job until you finish your studies and get the qualifications for better employment. 

What can you do to get the approval of your parents? 

Click on the video and listen to the answer. 

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.