I am a Muslim girl who believe that marriage should be done with someone from the same religion. So, if I am going to marry someone, he must be a good Muslim. Not just Muslim by name but a Muslim who really practices the Islamic teaching and together with me try to improve ourselves every day.
The problem is that I have fallen in love with a foreign friend who was my classmate at the university. He is not Muslim. I don’t even know if he follows any religion. He is a good man and since the day I met him for the first time I feel like he is the one that I have been waiting for.
But the fact of our difference both in belief and nationality make me try to believe that he is not the one. One day I asked him out for meal together before he returned to his country. But then I realized that I should not do this. I realized that my intention for having meal together was to tempt him so I cancel the meeting.
It was really hard for me actually, but I fear Allah for what I have done so I prefer to leave him. I pray for him every day. I beg Allah that He will guide this guy and his entire family to embrace Islam someday. As I fall deeper for him, I started to pray more, make tahajud, istikhara, and many more prayers to please God and to pray more for him.
And I realized that I am kind of closing my heart from other guys. I reduced having jokes with guys and any other behavior that might lead to temptation between man and woman. As I pray more and try to make myself better, I feel like I should wait for him and believe that he is going to be a Muslim anytime soon. But no one knows the future except Allah. I am confused now and very afraid if I wait for nothing. I don’t know if what I believe will really come true.
If it does, I wonder when will it be. I wish I can marry someone in the next 2 - 3 years. But now I am still in love with this guy and do not have any will to forget him just yet. Do you think that I am being misguided? Was I deluded with something I thought to be love who is actually not?
What I am supposed to do? I never give dawah to him because I am afraid if my intention is not pure for dawah. I then just don’t know where, to begin with as we live in different countries now. Is it enough just praying for him without doing any action to invite him to Islam?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Dear sister, a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.
In order to forget thinking about him, you need to distract your mind with other things/activities that you enjoy doing.
If you are interested in marriage, and you are not sure where to find someone, you need to get your parents involved, perhaps your local imam as well, and talk to some of your friends.
Marriage is considered half your deen. Therefore, you should think about marrying someone who is capable of balancing the worldly affairs and the religious affairs while keeping Allah in mind.
Make loads of du’aa’, seek forgiveness for your sins and become regular in your acts of worship.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
Evaluate Your Actions
I would like to start off by asking you to seek forgiveness from Allah for the sin that you have committed.
It is not allowed in Islam under any circumstances to maintain a relationship with the opposite without marriage.
Allah advises us to lower our gazes even when considering marriage and meet in the presence of a chaperone while limiting the number of times potential spouses see each other.
Therefore, given such strict guidelines, the first step is to seek forgiveness of Allah.
Secondly, what you feel towards this individual is not necessarily love. It can merely be lust. Men and women are different.
They are made to be attracted to each other. Consequently, Allah, in His Wisdom, has ordered us to limit our meetings to professional purposes only.
However, if the guidelines set by Allah are not followed, then it is not difficult for Shaytaan to intrude and deviate us in the direction for which we will have to pay for at the end.
Dear sister, a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.
I am not a scholar to explain this any further, for that you must consult the Ask the Scholar at Aboutislam.net. Therefore, your interest in him in the first place was not commendable.
However, we are all humans. We all sin. And the best ones are those who realize their mistakes and repent and turn back.
You must do all you can do remove him from your thoughts and memories.
If you do not let go of him, you will never be able to move on and obey the commands set by Allah for our very own benefits.
Thinking about him will render you sad, depressed, hopeless and will change your life for the worst.
Allah says in the Quran,
“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2: 216)
I understand that you want to marry him and pray that he accepts Islam.
However, we are not in control of his heart. Only Allah is. If Allah thinks that marriage with him is good for you, then I am sure he will convert and come to you.
However, if he decided he does not want to convert, then you, being aware of what is right should, in all honestly, politely apologize and part ways.
Keep Your Mind Occupied
In order to forget thinking about him, you need to distract your mind with others things/activities that you enjoy doing.
If you do not keep yourself busy and your mind occupied, your thoughts will distract you, and make you feel restless and unsatisfied.
Do Dhikr Often
Allah says in the Quran,
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (13:28)
Allah says in the Quran,
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (2:153)
Check out this counseling video:
Initiating Your Desire to Be Married
Marriage is an important part of Islam. It is a way of protection in many forms.
However, Allah has declared a set time for everything, and nothing will ever happen outside of its set time.
You simply need to be patient and seek guidance from Allah.
If you are interested in marriage, and you are not sure where to find someone, you need to get your parents involved, perhaps your local imam as well, and talk to some of your friends. It is possible that others have approached them with similar intentions.
In addition, I would like to advise you to not think too much about marriage.
Marriage is a blessing from Allah and has its destined time.
It is not in your control. What is in your control is your present. Spend the time listening to lectures about marriage.
Marriage is not as easy as it seems. You need to input effort to ensure that it runs smoothly and that it is successful.
Seeking Piety
As a Muslim woman who is God fearing, conscious, and trying to be pious, you should strive to change yourself for the better.
When you are thinking of marriage, you need to consider the guy’s piety above everything else. Nothing really matters in the end besides the piety of an individual.
If he fears and loves Allah, he will keep his wife happy. If he loves Allah, he will be seeking halal ways of earning money.
If he loves Allah, he will love hard work and righteousness in all aspects of his life. If he loves Allah, he will be a good father.
And if he loves Allah, he will be a source of obtaining Jannah for yourself and your future children.
Marriage is considered half your deen. Therefore, you should think about marrying someone who is capable of balancing the worldly affairs and the religious affairs while keeping Allah in mind.
Therefore, you should make loads of du’aa’, seek forgiveness for your sins and become regular in your acts of worship.
In addition, I think if you are serious about getting married early, you should pray Tahajjud on a regular basis because a du’aa’ which is made at Tahajjud is sure to be accepted.
I hope my answer provided the guidance that you were looking for. I pray that Allah facilitates your desire to get married as soon as possible with the right person.
Salam,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
