Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Your mom may be a great resource in helping you facilitate a conversation with her if she is available as well as interested.
These are things your mom can find out for you.
While I understand you may feel shy asking your mom for help, please do remember brother, that parents are there to help us, and in most cases, they do remember when they were young once too and had these feelings.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum brother,
Thank you for writing to us. Often proclaiming our feelings to someone we like can be difficult, especially if we are not used to talking to someone of the opposite sex! I can understand your hesitation given the situation as well as the fact you only see her once a year.
Perhaps, as you are comfortable talking with your mom, you could express your interest in your second cousin as a possible future wife.
Be prepared to discuss why you feel you are ready to be married, your understanding of the responsibilities of a husband and marriage, your future plans, as well your reasons for choosing this girl.
Your parents will want to be assured you are able to take on this responsibility.
Your mom may be a great resource in helping you facilitate a conversation with her, if she is available as well as interested.
These are things your mom can find out for you.
While I understand you may feel shy asking your mom for help, please do remember brother that parents are there to help us, and in most cases, they do remember when they were young once too and had these feelings.
Another alternative is discussing this with your sister.
She could also provide feedback on how to proceed, possibly asking the girl for you or talking to your mom about it if you are too shy.
One thing I would like you to remember though brother is that although you say you love her, and the perceived likes you both share may be a “sign from Allah”, you may be in fact infatuated with a past memory of her when you were growing up as she was the only female (as you stated) that you had a closeness with besides your mom and sister.
Growing up together, spending time at your grandmothers, playing together as children, may all make for powerful feelings once we get older, especially if we have not had interaction with others.
However, as we grow up, we change. So while she may appear to have the same qualities you enjoyed when you were younger, she has grown up and has taken on other qualities and attributes now as a young woman.
It is worth noting that if she agrees, talking with her and spending time with her will be the best way to know if you are compatible with each other.
This should be done with others present as it is haram to spend time alone.
Again, this is something you can discuss with your mom or sister so that the time you do spend in sha’ Allah, will be comfortable for you both.
Lastly dear brother, please do focus on your studies and bring your grades up! In contemplating marriage, you need to be prepared to provide for your wife. In order to do so, you need good grades.
How embarrassing would it be if you and she did begin to talk and she (or her parents) asked about your grades? So please dear brother, instead of worrying and possibly obsessing on her to the point where in your grades fail, be happy that you have the ability to get good grades and put every effort into doing so.
This is a preparation not only for a future wife but more importantly for you yourself as a young man.
Please let us know how you are doing; you are in our prayers!
Salam,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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