Answer
Answer:
Wa ’Alaikum Salaam dear brother in Islam,
Thank you for turning to us for help. You have suffered a lot, and I hope that what I say can help relieve your suffering – by the Will of the Almighty God.
My dear brother, you said “I know it was haram to love her before marriage.”
This understanding about love is the only mistake I can see you made in your whole scenario. Everything else shows that you are a very kind and sincere person. May Allah reward you!
It is certainly not haram to love before marriage. Love is a feeling, and our feelings (and our thoughts) come to us. They are not like our actions, i.e. something we decide to do. Sure, we can avoid feeling things by squashing them once we feel them, but the impulse to feel is not under our command.
Therefore, please stop feeling guilty for feeling love before marriage, and, in turn, do not assume that losing her was punishment for feeling love before marriage. In fact, feeling love before marriage is a very good thing, because it helps you identify who you really want to marry—as long as you don’t act on your feelings of love in a way which is forbidden by Allah, like fornication (zina). THAT would be haram. Since you did not do that, as far as I know, you are in very good shape, In Sha’Allah.
You also said: “Is it a punishment from Allah or a trial?”
In my opinion, it is a trial, In Sha’ Allah. In fact, your whole scenario is a seriously difficult trial. But be comforted, because you behaved in a very honorable way throughout it, and there is great hope for you in front of Allah. You loved, were devoted, and did nothing haram. From my perspective, you probably passed this test with flying colors, In Sha’ Allah.
Allah tests the hardest those He loves the most. So, if you can, please take a step back from your pain and look at your situation from a different perspective. One of the hardest things Allah can ever ask us to do in this life is suffering from lost love. It is because of our relationship with love – we need it! Have you seen how all those movie stars and famous singers die from drug addiction? It is because they were looking for love in all the wrong places. Their expensive cars and popularity did nothing for them to make them happy. All I want to say is that love is something which all human need. When we don’t have it, we fall into depression or do things criminals do. When we have it, we become healthy, stable, productive people.
You said: “Previously, I felt like she was the one Allah chose for me. If that so, will she come back? ”
Of course, I don’t know the answer to that question, but please my dear brother, do not hold your breath! Your job now, in front of Allah, to pass this test is to deal with the reality that you will not be with her, therefore you need to move on—and to do that, you need to learn how to move on.
The way to move on is to first accept that she is truly gone. Then, see this situation as a test in which there is something beneficial for you. By this test, Allah is teaching you that your expectations are just like that; expectations which may or may not become true. In fact, as you go through life, your expectations are rarely realized in the way in which you expect them to be realized. The sooner you learn this lesson, the sooner you can become close friends with Allah as you go down His path, which means that when your expectations are not what happens to you, you still love God! Remember, we do not determine our future – Allah does.
You also asked: “If I marry someone else, should I tell that girl everything?”
NO! You do not have to tell her everything! How would you feel if you married a woman who came into the marriage with you saying: “Oh, and by the way, I loved someone before you so much. I thought he, not you, was the love of my life.” You would be devastated and always wonder if that other man was in her mind instead of you. So, no! Do not tell your wife. You can tell her things like “I had another perspective marriage before you, but it did not work out.” That will make her feel good about herself In Sha’ Allah. If she asks you why it did not work out, you do not have to tell her any details (especially not any details about how you felt about your previous perspective wife). Instead stay something like: “because you, sweetie, are the only one for me.”
You asked: “I went to psychologist due to my depression and he prescribed for me anti-depressant. Will Allah punish me for that act? “
NO, in sha’ Allah! It makes no sense that Allah, who is Just, would punish you for seeking an aid to help you stay in worship of Him (anti-depressants help the patient keep equilibrium so s/he doesn’t go crazy and thereby fail to function). However, please view your condition as temporary. This is your first experience with love. Don’t expect it to be your last, and don’t expect to need an aid forever to endure life and its ups and downs. We process stuff; that is how our brains and bodies work. In time, In Sha’ Allah, you will be able to get up from the ground, brush the dirt off, and get back to work on the job of living, In Sha’ Allah. You will also become a better man, because now you know better what you are dealing with, In Sha’ Allah.
I hope this helps. May Allah bless you and keep you close to Him in your newly found relationship with Him that was the beautiful result of your suffering from this test. You said: “At the beginning, I sought help from others, but at the end, I realized I have Allah and I sought His help. Now, I feel I am more close to The Almighty than ever before.”
May Allah make it easy for you!
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