Due to the Caste System, Parents Will Refuse Our Marriage

25 August, 2020
Q Assalaamualekum.

I am 20 years old and a boy of the same age proposed me. He is good. He offers salaah and follows sunnah too. We have met each other but have talked very rarely. We have only exchanged chat conversations.

He proposed to me. He said that after he completes his studies, after 4-5 years, he would send his mom to my family asking for my hands for marriage. All these he said through text messages only.

I initially said no but he was very sad and since I have some feelings for him too I agreed. But I said I cannot say anything now.

In the future, I would agree only if my parents would agree. But the problem is that in India there are still some effects of the caste system. I am a Sheikh and he is a Quraishy and I am sure that due to this reason my parents would never agree.

So, my question is, can I pray to Allah Almighty to change my parents’ mind and make me marry this guy in the future?

Is it ok if we just talked on WhatsApp? Will it be a sin if I sincerely pray to Allah to make me get married to this guy in the future by changing my parents view on caste system?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

The caste system just discriminates people. It has nothing to do with Islam. 

Furthermore, there are so many things you have to see in a person you want to marry. You have to see if he is a good Muslim, whether he can support you after the marriage, both financially and spiritually.

Most importantly, you need to know whether he is a good human being.

Keeping it simple and not promising each other anything will be a good idea. Anything can happen in 4-5 years.

Attraction can fade after some time, but if he is a sincere and loyal person, he will be a good husband and a good father.

Focus on your studies as a good education will help you in the future.

Your parents will, for sure, find you a life partner who is suitable for you.

If you do not like someone, you can tell your parents. It is your life and you are allowed to make this decision yourself.


As-Salam ‘Aleikom,

Thank you for writing to us about your concern. I will try to advise you the best I can, In sha’ Allah.

Young love

First of all, it seems like this boy is interested in you. You both are still very young and have a few years left to complete your studies. Keeping it simple and not promising each other anything will be a good idea. Anything can happen in 4-5 years. You do not know if you will marry him later.

You should avoid talking to him on WhatsApp or through social media as it can lead to haram talk and also increase the attachment with him. You do not want to be attached to someone who is your non-mahram and who is not sure if he is serious about you. It can only break your heart if you two don’t get to marry each other in the future.

Due to the Caste System, Parents Will Refuse Our Marriage - About Islam

All Muslims Equal

Secondly, all Muslims are equal; the caste system just discriminates people. It has nothing to do with Islam. Unfortunately, it happens in so many societies and affects so many lives. This is mainly a result of living amongst Hindu and Sikh for so long that we have taken on their culture and traditions and incorporated them into our practice of Islam.

As long as he is Muslim, it doesn’t really matter what caste he belongs to.

You can pray to Allah (swt) to make him your husband in the future if you think he is the right one for you. There is no harm in that. However, if you think you cannot convince your parents to let you marry into another caste, it is no point in talking to him or promising him anything. You will only hurt him and yourself if you do so.

To Allah (swt), everyone is equal. Nobody should be judged by their looks, skin color or caste they belong to. What it should matter is their character. Allah (swt) has mentioned it in the Qur’an:

“O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well-acquainted.” (49:13)

It can be hard to change your parents’ mind, but it is no harm in praying to Allah (swt) to listen to your wish.


Check out this counseling video:


Marriage

There are so many things you have to see in a person you want to marry. You have to see if he is a good Muslim, whether he can support you after the marriage, both financially and spiritually. Most importantly, you need to know whether he is a good human being. Attraction can fade after some time, but if he is a sincere and loyal person, he will be a good husband and a good father.

I would suggest that you pray that Allah (swt) gives you a life partner who is best for you and whom you are best for. Allah (swt) has made a plan for you. Just pray that He (swt) keeps you on the right path. It is easy to lose the right direction when you are emotional and cannot think rationally.

You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. Whoever is the right one for you will marry you. Do not worry about it. Rather, focus on your studies as a good education will help you in the future. Your parents will, for sure, find you a life partner who is suitable for you. If you do not like someone, you can tell your parents. It is your life and you are allowed to make this decision yourself.

Until then, build yourself by educating yourself and making yourself a strong woman. If your parents see a wise and strong woman who can make the right decisions for herself in life, then they will trust you if you later in life maybe want to marry someone out of the caste system.

Conclusion

Do not discuss marriage with them yet as you are still very young and they do not think that you are ready to make such a big decision yourself. All you have to do is to prove them by your actions and sensible thinking that you know what is right and what is wrong. I am sure when you are ready, they will stand by your side too.

I pray to Allah (swt) to make you happy and give you a life partner who you deserve and who deserves you.

May Allah (swt) make it easy for you and listen to your prayers.

Ameen,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hadia Ali
Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: [email protected]