I am a revert Muslim girl from a Hindu family in India. My parents don't know about it as I work outside my home and live alone. My age is 26. My parents hate Islam. They are forcing me to get married and they have searched for a Hindu guy.
I know a Muslim guy of my age and I am satisfied with his deen and character and want to marry him. He lives with his family; his parents are not allowing him to marry me as they do not consider me as Muslim. They don't like Hindus. The guy is fully satisfied with my character and deen. But his mother is opposing him. And he is saying now that he can't hurt his mother.
I am ready to go against my parents as it is allowed in Islam. But he is now stuck and confused what to do. He can't oppose his mother and also he doesn’t want to leave me. His family has already arranged his marriage with their choice and his wedding could happen in the next couple of months. I also don’t want to leave him. Please guide us, what to do.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• If your parents force you to do something against Islam, then you do not have to obey them.
• You could go ahead without the support of your families or abandon the relationship altogether and seek marriage elsewhere.
• Make istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to make the best choice.
Wa Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,
Marriage is such a blessed thing in Islam and is highly recommended in Islam due to the many benefits. Whilst it should be a joyous occasion when the family does not support it, it can place a huge burden on the couple; torn between abandoning the marriage and satisfying their parents.
We must respect our parents in Islam. However, if they force you to do something against Islam, then you do not have to obey them.
In your case, they force you to marry a Hindu man so you are permitted to disobey them and not marry him. However, still, try and maintain ties with them. As much as they hate Islam, you can do your best to educate them on the beauty of Islam simply by being a good person and exhibiting all the beautiful aspects of Islam in your character. In sha Allah, with time and prayers, they will accept Islam, or at least you become a Muslim first.
As for the man you wish to marry, his family is also not supportive which only adds to the difficulties, especially because his family is Muslim and the girl they want him to marry is a Muslim too. However, they also can’t force him to marry someone against his wishes. At the same time, he doesn’t want to abandon his family.
You are both happy with each other’s character and piety and these are the most important qualities of a spouse.
You could go ahead without the support of your families, but this could cause ongoing issues in your marriage in the future. They may also come around to being happy with the marriage once they see how happy you are together. This would require taking a risk.
The other option is to not take the risk and abandon the relationship altogether and seek marriage elsewhere. This is possible too but comes at the cost of abandoning the one whom you really want to marry.
The best way to make the best choice for the both of you and Allah is to make istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to make the best choice.
In the meantime, think carefully about your options before deciding which route to take. Perhaps you might decide on a certain amount of time to consider your options whilst trying to convince your families and perhaps arrange a meeting if possible before you make a choice. Perhaps, if you can’t sway then in the next few months you should consider going ahead and marrying or going your separate ways.
May Allah guide you to make the best decision and grant you a righteous spouse who will be to the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
Amen,
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