Answer
In this counseling answer:
These feelings that you are experiencing right now are a kind of bereavement. Take your time and know that it is very normal to feel sad, to cry, and to feel that you are missing something.
Salaam alaikom, sister,
Thank you for writing.
You had a male best friend, and you talked for hours online. You say he supported you, and that made it even harder to leave him.
Your feelings are understandable, sister. You were attached to each other; you had close contact, even if not physically, as friends, and he was a supportive figure in your life who is there when you need it.
These feelings that you are experiencing right now are a kind of bereavement.
As it is like you have lost someone. He is not part of your life anymore, so you are going through a grieving process and putting him and your relationship with him in a new place.
Please take your time and know that it is very normal to feel sad, to cry, and to feel that you are missing something. You might even get angry, experience intense emotions, and argue with yourself, asking why this should happen this way.
With time, these feelings will become less intense, and you will come to terms with the ending of your relationship.
Read more about the stages of grief here: 4 Keys to Overcoming Loss of Any Kind
What can you do?
Try to focus on something else. Find other companions and spend time with them. Or do a hobby you like, exercise, or anything that helps you get in a better mood.
You can also write a good-bye letter to him. You can send it, but there is no need to do it.
If you feel more comfortable not doing so, just write down what you thank him for and what he meant to you, then let him go by keeping this letter or even throwing it away.
This symbolic ritual may help you move on.
Regarding istikhara:
I am not an Islamic scholar, but this is my opinion as a counselor:
You decided not to have contact with him, as probably in your case this is the right thing to do. Then you prayed istikhara.
Istikhara is asking Allah for guidance when we are unsure about a decision. But we can be sure that Allah will never lead you towards something that is not permissible.
If you follow the guidance of Allah, you know that you cannot keep a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender, as it may lead you gradually to zina.
It cannot be that you have misunderstood the signs, as they would be against His commands.
Read more about Ishikhara here.
So, if there is no conversation about marriage between both of you, there is no reason for maintaining contact beyond what is necessary.
So, it seems that for now, this is the best thing you could do.
And know that if something is written beyond this for both of you, it will happen.
Meanwhile, accept your feelings, give yourself time, but also try to move on and focus on the present and future.
May Allah make it easy for you.
Read more:
- Love My Teacher; He Is Married and Doesn’t Like Me
- Signs of Meeting My Soulmate & Future Husband
- I Want to Get Over Him; What to Do?
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