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My Brother Is Against Me Marrying a Girl with Trauma

01 August, 2023
Q I would like to ask you a question. I am in a school and I met a girl and we fell in love with each other and we were seriously considering getting married after high school, but one night she revealed to me that she was raped by a member of her family when she was a child. After this revelation, I was very angry not against her but against life because I did not understand how one could do that to a child. But I understood that it was the fate of Allah. I love her enormously and I want to help her and Subhanallah, she has such a great Tawakul and she helped me enormously when I was in pain.

But one night my brother put me in a situation of genes where I gave in and I revealed that I loved this girl but she suffered this rape and my brother told me that he personally would never want to marry a girl who suffered this. But I don’t think that at all and he told me to impose his idea and so I cut off contact with this girl.

I do not give up marrying her on the contrary I think that since she was tested by this test it proves that Allah loves her because Allah only tests the people he loves. And if my brothers have this kind of idea that’s why he never had such a situation. Sorry for the length of my text. I hope you would advise me.May Allah reward you.


We all arrive at marriages with certain issues. Unfortunately, some of us with heavier ones.

If you are emotionally involved with someone prior to marrying her, you might have a hard time taking a neutral approach and listening to others’ advice regarding your choice.

Put your feelings aside and examine the reasons behind your brother’s opinion.

Whether you agree with him or not, it is good to see things through a broader scope and reflect upon alternative perspectives.

How to deal with a situation like this?

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Check out Sr. Hannah’s advice.

Read more from Sr. Hannah Morris:


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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (