All my friends are healthy while I am always sick. At times, I feel maybe I have cancer or this or that disease and I'll die, but my hospital reports discharge me with muscle pain.
I am working also but my mind is always negative that I'm a sick person. I'm fed up, I'm going to be married by the end of this year but can't feel happy on my current condition. Please guide me.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Take the time to cherish this and be thankful to Allah.
Keep a gratitude journal. When you develop a habit of being thankful for the little things, you will oversee the bad ones as your brain will be trained to see the positivity in life and will not be trained the focus on the negativity.
Use self-affirmations: It always relieves me to read the last chapter of the Quran and ponder over the meaning of it. Try it!
As-Salamu Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
First, my heartfelt congratulations! I pray that Allah grants the best to you and your spouse and makes each of you a coolness of the eyes for one another!
Dear sister, marriage is a very important part of life. Not only is it a new beginning, but also a very exciting change, filled with happiness, adventures, and good memories, in sha Allah. It is a blessing, a path to Jannah and a way to guard ourselves.
Please take the time to cherish this and be thankful to Allah that He has blessed you with someone you are happy to spend the rest of your life with. Dear sister, many people in the world desire to be married, but not everyone gets exactly what they want, or they get it after undergoing quite a bit of trouble.
With something exciting happening down the road, sometimes it is natural to feel uneasy. However, we should not let that uneasiness and nervousness turn us into people of constant worry and anxiety.
Only 1 out of the 99 worries we feel are real. Therefore, the other 98 are simply a play of our minds, our thoughts running wild and our imagination getting the best of us.
Practice positivity
When you have been to the doctor many times but were discharged given that it is simply muscle pain, then why do you fear the worst?
Dear sister, even patients who were once diagnosed with cancer have outlived what the doctors have predicted.
I personally know a fellow university student whose mother was diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago. The doctor said that at most she will have a year to live. However, my friend’s mother, being a very optimistic person, with three daughters with the oldest being 8, did not lose hope. She believed in her Lord, and she knew that her Lord will not leave her children alone. Because after all, it is the Lord who gave them to her. And even if she died, she did not want her children to remember the sad days she went through.
So, she ensured that she was the happiest mother they saw. Can you believe it? Someone who has been given a year to live is this positive? And has such unshakable faith? And she is still alive, healthier than ever, and her oldest daughter is about to be married this every year! Remarkable isn’t it!
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This all because of her rationale for life. She knew that her sadness and hopeless will not do anything positive to her or her children. She only knew that happiness is powerful enough to change situations.
However, happiness is not always very easy to achieve. It takes a few steps to ensure that it achieved and is strongly secured in our minds and in our hearts.
Keep a gratitude journal
I once had a friend who told me that she kept a journal and wrote down everything good that happened every single day. For example, she would write down that she went to university, and met her friend who had tea with her after lunch. She would thank Allah for blessing her with a good friend and for the part of the day she spent with her and forgot her worries. She would write it all down.
Her diary was simply amazing! It made me realize that small things make a great difference. You do not necessarily have to spend time with the most notable person to feel happy. Little things count. When you develop a habit of being thankful for the little things, you will oversee the bad ones as your brain will be trained to see the positivity in life and will not be trained the focus on the negativity.
Use self-affirmations
Many times our mind will tell us that we can’t do something or are going to be hit with many difficulties. These are not the thoughts which stem to promote goodness. They are from the shaitan and are there for distraction.
It always relieves me to read the last chapter of the Quran and ponder over the meaning of it. Try it!
Read biographies of famous and strong people
Unbelievably, many people who changed the world did not live a life with all the health, wealth, or facilities at their fingertips. They had to undergo many struggles and had to overcome each one of them.
For example, if you look at the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, who was appointed by President Bill Clinton and she is the second female justice to be confirmed to the Court, and one of four female justices to be confirmed till time.
She underwent two cancer operations and still is currently 85 years. Her optimism and passion for her career changed her life for the better and the life of many people around her.
Read about these wonderful people and be inspired!
Surround yourself with a good company
A good company is an invaluable tool towards living the life we want to live. We should strive to find people who are positive, are passionate towards seeking knowledge and want to be sincere people who want to seek Allah’s pleasure. Their mindsets and ways of lives will be reflected in us and will lead us to change our lifestyles for the better.
Find an optimistic quote or saying and keep it in your wallet or pocket.
Here are some famous quotes you might start off with:
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ― Anne Frank
“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” ― James Branch Cabell
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” ― Oprah Winfrey
“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” ― Vincent Van Gogh
Dear sister, good and bad things are bound to happen. Remember that the du’aa’ is the weapon of the believer, and Allah is the one who has control over everything. We must not let simple worries take over us and dictate our lives. We must overcome the hurdles and be the best we can be for the betterment of the world and the betterment of our own afterlives.
Salam,
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