Somehow I got to know that he also has feelings for me, but I was not sure of that as he never proposed, maybe because we both were studying.
Meanwhile, one day his elder brother suddenly proposed to me. At first, I refused as I always thought of him as our elder brother. I never felt anything for him. So, as big brother, I shared with him that his small brother likes me. I said to him to ask his small brother whether his feelings for me were true.
The elder brother deceived me, he told me that his younger brother doesn’t like me. The elder brother expressed that he loves me for a long time, so somehow I developed a feeling for him.
I started praying istikhara constantly. When this marriage proposal went to my dad he rejected it. No one agreed to this proposal from either family.
This elder brother hurt me so badly. I trusted him, I shared with him all my feelings, and he didnát even ask sorry from me for what he did!
This happened 1.5 years ago. Now suddenly I discovered that his younger brother used to like me seriously, but his elder brother lied about him to me. I like him still now and nowadays this feeling has become so extreme. I feel like I betrayed him.
I suffer thinking why I let myself get deceived! I feel so depressed. How should I deal with this situation?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Please don’t be too hard on yourself as you did not know. Too often people take responsibility for things that they did not know, and they feel guilty or very sad.
Try to focus on the here and now, your current activities, studies, work, family, and so forth.
Over time insha’Allah it will get better. Time heals.
***
As salamu alaykum,
Sister, as I understand your situation, there was a boy that you used to like and he liked you. However, as you kept the relationship halal you were not sure about his feelings towards you.
A Surprise Proposal
One day, his older brother, not the boy you liked, proposed to you. You were surprised and confused but nonetheless accepted once you received clarification from the boy who proposed that his younger brother did not like you. As it turned out neither family would say yes to this marriage.
Conversations
During the time that you were conversing with this older boy about marriage, you did tell him that you thought his younger brother liked you but he said no.
Sister, you may have been inexperienced with conversations like this. It can be confusing because we expect others to be honest! However, perhaps the older boy did not know his younger brother liked you, or he did and lied.
If he knew, the boy is not going to say ’oh yes my brother likes you”. A boy will not say this because he likes you and does not want any competition. I understand that this hurt you, but at any rate, the marriage did not go through which is a good thing.
It is said that Allah will shut a door that is not good for us. Alhumdulilah Allah protects us.
Feeling Deceived and Regretful
I can imagine that this situation hurt you very much. Please don’t be too hard on yourself as you did not know. Too often people take responsibility for things that they did not know, and they feel guilty or very sad.
It would be different if one knew, but one cannot be held responsible for what one does not know.
Forgetting Hurtful Things
Sister, it appears that this happened a few years ago. Understandably, it has still affected you and you wish you could forget it. Perhaps as time goes on the feelings will lessen. They say that time heals and that is true.
Conclusion
Sister, I kindly suggest that you try to put all of this behind you and move forward with your life. Insha’Allah, you can use this experience moving forward in terms of dealing with others, especially men and proposals.
Try to focus on the here and now, your current activities, studies, work, family, and so forth.
Over time insha’Allah it will get better.
We wish you the best.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.