Answer
In this counseling answer:
Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the Books (Christian, Jewish) as long as they are practicing women. But the counselor advises the questioner to cut off speaking with the girl until they are both 18. So they will be able to focus on their studies better and reduce the chances of getting involved in something haram. He may suggest to her that she study Islam to gain a better knowledge of who he is as a Muslim. She may even see the light of Islam and take shahadda.
As salamu alaykum brother,
I am sorry to hear of the emotional turmoil you have been going through. I will say however that I am happy to hear that you have not done anything with this girl because at your age it is so easy for our emotions to get the best of us and fall into a sinful state. Perhaps that is what the shaykh was referring to I am not sure. Please do refer to our ‘Ask the Scholar” section if you still have questions. I am not an Islamic scholar, however, while it is not a sin to talk to someone as long as the conversation is of halal content, it should be limited or in the presence of a guardian such as a parent.
This is to avoid the possibility of anything haram happening or being said. People talk to the opposite sex every day. In school, in business dealings, at charity functions, at fundraisers, cooperate meetings and so forth. The issue is where is the line drawn regarding the content of the conversation when talking to the opposite sex. That would depend upon what kind of a conversation you are having, and only you know what was said between you and this girl. Additionally, as you know having conversations alone with her is forbidden in Islam. However, as you said you talked in school and on the phone insha’Allah you were around schoolmates or family.
Based on what you said, she appears to be a practicing Christian so yes, when you both are older she is permissible for you to marry. Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the Books (Christian, Jewish) as long as they are practicing women. Why her pastor said it was a sin to marry you would depend on what denomination of Christian she is. Just like in Islam Muslim women must marry Muslim men, possibly in her denomination of Christianity it is the same, but I am not sure.
Brother, as you are not of age yet and neither is she, I would advise you to kindly cut off speaking with her until you are both 18. While this option may hurt you both right now, please rest assure that if it is decreed by Allah it will not pass you. You can explain to her that you care about her and because you do, you feel that if there is going to be any possible future together as a married couple, that it is best to wait until you are both of age.
By waiting to talk brother, you and she will be able to focus on your studies better, you will reduce the chances of getting involved in something you will regret and you both will be pleasing Allah. You may suggest to her that during this 1-2 year period, that she study Islam to gain a better knowledge of who you are as a Muslim. Insha’Allah she will see it is not a sin to marry you and she may even see the light of Islam and take shahadda, We never know the blessings that can come from waiting for brother. shahadda, We never know the blessings that can come from waiting for a brother.
If after you both graduate and chose to resume plans for marriage, you will be of legal age to properly pursue her in a halal way and she will be free to say yes without fear of retribution from her church or family, at least in the way of legalities. I am confident you can do this knowing it will have a blessed outcome, in the end, no matter which way it goes.
We wish you the best brother, let us know how you are doing.
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