I hope you are fine. I have some good friends but I do not have a bestie. After the completion of my studies, I seldom talk to my friends. The reason is that I was always judged by my friends and it is absolutely my mistake because I showed them my weaknesses and now I regret it. It feels like I am not good at making friends.
Once our teacher told us that a person can live without parents, siblings and even a partner but he cannot live without a friend. I am not saying I do not have friends, I do. But I do not have the ONE who is always there for me, who understands me and listens to me except Allah. I want someone to whom I can tell everything but I fear of being judged and controlled.
Some friends of mine even took advantage of my innocence and misled me. I want to ask that can I make Allah my bestie? Can I write him letters about how I feel, what I think etc. Would it look weird or does it mean I am having some disorder?
And one more question I want to ask that I have read somewhere that Non-Muslims cannot be our friends. Is that true? I have a Christian friend and I must say she is much better than some of my Muslim friends. I hope you will answer. Jazak Allah.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“As Muslims, we know Allah (swt) is All Encompassing, Al-Muhit – a friend, a protector, a guider, one who loves to forgive and one if He (swt) chooses, conceals our sins and shortcomings, and so much more.
However, in this life, we need others whom we can form human bonds with and find comfort.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
Friends are very important in our lives. It is a natural human desire to want to have a few close friends and, of course, a best friend to do things with, count on, and more importantly trust.
Friendship
You stated that after your completion of your studies you stopped talking to your friends for specific reasons.
I know after school young people may get busy with their lives and often lose contact with their friends, or can’t get together as much as they used to.
This is a normal part of adjusting to becoming a young adult. However, one should strive to seek a balance and maintain relationships with their friends.
You discussed that you confided in your friends about your weaknesses and they used it against you and judged you.
That is not being a good friend. It is haram to use one’s weakness against them or talk badly about them, especially behind their backs. This is backbiting and it is a sin.
Good company
Sister, I think that it is not you who has a hard time making friends, you sound like a good friend. You are one who knows the value of friendship and how to treat a friend.
It may be the friends you are choosing. I would kindly suggest dear sister that you continue seeking out good friends, but chose your friends wisely.
Look for sisters who are involved in positive activities, who are living Islamically, who treat others with kindness and love; and who are genuine in their interest in friendships.
If you meet new friends and you hear them talk badly about others, stay away because surely they will do the same to you.
A true friend does not use your weaknesses and past mistakes against you.
In fact, they seek to build you up and lovingly encourage you to strive to be your best. Sister, please seek out friends with these qualities and you will find that your life will be enriched by their love and companionship!
Check out this counseling video:
Allah A best friend
You talked about your desire to make Allah (swt) your best friend.
It can be said that Allah (swt) is our “best friend”; One whom we can turn to at any time, and One who is always there for us. Allah (swt) has mercy and loves to forgive.
He (swt) knows us as He created us; thus, our conversations, prayers, pleas and du’aa’s to Him are always welcomed. Allah (swt) loves those who seek him. In the Qur’an, it says that
“Allah is the ally of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into the light. And those who disbelieve – their allies are Taghut. They take them out of the light into darknesses. Those are the companions of the Fire; they will abide eternally therein”. (2:257)
Therefore as Muslims, we know Allah (swt) is All Encompassing, Al-Muhit – a friend, a protector, a guider, one who loves to forgive and one if He (swt) chooses, conceals our sins and shortcomings, and so much more.
However, in this life, we need others whom we can form human bonds with and find comfort. The Qur’an states that
“The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those – Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” (9:71)
As we can see, friends are important as we are supposed to be allies of one another, and an ally is a synonym of friend.
Thus, we are encouraged to be allies of one another as Muslims.
However, while we are all imperfect, some make better friends/allies than others as you can see.
So, in sha’ Allah, seek true allies who have your best interests at heart as well as those who seek purity and closeness with Allah (swt).
Non-Muslim friends
As far as having non-Muslim friends such as Christians, I am not an Islamic scholar; therefore, I would kindly suggest sister that you consult a scholar on this issue.
As many Muslims have non Muslims friends, I think that the key to maintaining a non-Muslim friendship would be that they are not involved in haram acts such as zina, alcohol consumption and other behaviors that could harm us spiritually.
Additionally, they should be respectful and aware of our religion so as not to cause confusion.
Often times, making friendship with non-Muslims is a form of dawah.
I personally can attest this as when I first reverted, a lot of my friends were not Muslim, yet they respected my religion and my choice.
Eventually, 7 of my friends did revert to Islam! Allah (swt) knows best.
It is sad that your non-Muslim friends may treat you better than your Muslim friends.
This is something that we as an ummah must work on to better our relationships with each other as we are one ummah/family and as such, should show respect, love, encouragement, and be of a trustworthy nature.
Conclusion
In sha’Allah, dear sister, keep close to Allah (swt), continue to go to Him for everything and continue to seek closeness.
Strive to please Allah (swt) and your blessings will be bountiful in sha’ Allah.
Also, do not lose trust. Continue to seek friends who truly know what friendship is, value you as a striving Muslimah, and who have the traits of a true friend with your best interests at heart.
In sha’ Allah, if you open your social and Islamic interactions, you will find good friends such as Allah (swt) desires for us.
We wish you the best. Please let us know how you are doing!
Salam,
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