Answer
As-salamu`alaykum,
You cannot make your mom do anything – only Allah can change people’s hearts. I think you need to focus on being patient and persevering with your mother’s reactions and how she is dealing with your life changes. Only in time will she see that the things she is accusing you of are not true and only through your excellent character and behavior and by showing her how good a daughter you are as Allah has ordered you to be will she be put at ease.
She is scared and perhaps resentful for your conversion – she probably sees it as a personal betrayal to her or as if you have rejected her, your family and your peoples’ ways and culture. You need to show her that you haven’t done those things, only that you have chosen a way to further better your way of life and your character within the culture of where you are and the bounds and potentials of who you are. Islam did not come to eradicate culture, only to perfect it. She needs to understand this. Religion and culture are not the same.
You need to be patient and prove your mother wrong through your unconditional love for her. Beg for Allah’s help and ask Him – particularly through Tahajud prayer and du`as’ to ease your mother’s heart and to put her at ease with your decision. Ask Him to make your tests and trials easy for you and to open up your mother’s heart with understanding and acceptance.
This is a test of your patience and perseverance. Do not cut off ties with your mother and avoid arguing as best you can. I know this is difficult, as a convert I have gone through this to some degree as well with my own mother, although my mother has been very understanding, al hamdu lillah.
Don’t feel the need to be right. Respond to your mother’s questions in a reasonable way and leave it at that. If you feel that your mother is trying to argue with you, then try your best to walk away, change the subject, or find some other respectful way of dealing with the situation.
Do not compromise your beliefs but try and present them in a way that will cause the least amount of friction. This is best done through reason, which requires knowledge. You must arm yourself with knowledge so that you can answer her accusations in the most appropriate way. Do not rely on dogmatic responses, this will give her the impression that you actually are fanatical or brainwashed.
For example, study the scholarly writings on why women are commanded to wear hijab, its social importance, how the headscarf is just one aspect of the total concept of hijab, etc. There is no asset greater in these situations than sound knowledge. As such, see this test from Allah as a means of improving your own knowledge and conviction of Islam as truth. It is a powerful educational experience to be forced to respond to accusations about your faith – especially coming from your mother!!
Don’t be judgmental. Remind her that this is what you have come to believe on your own through your own heart. Avoid making universal statements and by all means avoid ‘trying to convert her’ with verbal arguments. In sha`Allah in time, Allah will ease her heart and mind and mend your relations with her. Lastly, again, know that
Allah is the one that changes hearts…