Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
It is strongly advised for the wife to remain in the marital home for the three-month waiting period (`Iddah) after one pronouncement of divorce, as this is a safeguard put in place by Allah to encourage reconciliation. Leaving without a valid reason like abuse undermines this purpose. However, if she chooses to leave, the divorce will still be valid after three menstrual cycles.
In response to this question, Dr. Yasir Qadhi — the Dean of The Islamic Seminary of America and the resident scholar at the East Plano Islamic Center — states:
This is a sensitive question. First and foremost, don’t just jump to the question of divorce. I’m advising all of you as well that, unfortunately, people are more hasty to do divorce than they are even to get married, and that’s not Islamic.
You should very, very carefully think through divorce. divorce should never be done in anger; it should never be done in haste. Whoever does it is abusing the concept of divorce.
Divorce should only be done after every other effort has failed, and both parties then understand that this marriage is not going to work out. There’s a level of resignation and acceptability that, “You know what, we tried, it’s not working out.”
Divorce should only be done after arbitration has failed. Arbitration should be done by every couple that is arguing. You should find one of the elders from the father’s side, one of the elders from the wife’s side, and the two should come together and discuss very specifically what the issue is and see if you can resolve it. Allah says if both parties want to resolve it, it will be resolved.
If it is not resolved and then the divorce should be given, then it should be given with consideration, with care, and according to the Shari`ah. That means it is not given in haste and anger. It is given only after the woman has finished her cycle, she’s done her Ghusl, and then no intimacy has occurred. In other words, even the mechanism of the Shari`ah, you cannot give divorce after intimacy has occurred until another cycle has occurred. Why do you think Allah put this? Because Allah doesn’t want you to be hasty. Allah does not want you to just give it. No, that’s not the way divorce works. You have to wait and plan. Both have to be sure.
Then what is the final check and balance that Allah has placed? The final one that Allah has placed is this one here. That is, one divorce is given. After all of this stuff has failed, the husband says, “I divorce you.” Then, for three cycles (three months, three menstrual cycles), she lives under the same roof as her husband. They are in a half-half state.
In other words, technically they’re married, but they’re not supposed to be married, i.e., no touching, no intimacy, no romance.
Why? Because Allah wants to cause you to think, “Do you really want a divorce? Do you really want us not to live together? Okay, let’s see. Give it a try for 3 months. Live under the same roof, but you’re not husband and wife, even though you are.”
You get the point here. You are husband and wife; the marriage is still valid for three cycles after one divorce is given. So, in that interim, you are still married. Prove that you really don’t want to be married. No romance.
Some scholars say even if he kisses her, even if he flirts with her romantically—not even just the act, of course, the act without a doubt means the divorce is nullified—but some scholars say even some flirtation, some kissing that is done, this is now back to the husband-wife situation. Allah wants you to really, really be sure.
So, when the sister says, “I want to leave,” and she’s saying he’s not abusive, “I just don’t want to,” the response is that you are yourself removing the checks and balances that Allah has placed in your marriage. These checks and balances are for the sanctity of the marriage.
So, I don’t advise this ever. Yes, if there’s abuse going on, without a doubt. If there’s physical abuse, without a doubt. If you are in danger, 100%, no problem, you will go to a safe place. But you yourself are saying he’s not abusing you, “I’m not feeling unsafe, it’s just I don’t want to be around the person.” Well, then prove it. Both of you prove it. Prove it for 3 months.
You don’t have to live in the same bedroom, but you have to be in the same house for 3 months. Act like roommates. You talk to each other, you get by, you have to take care of the chores, but no intimacy and romance. If you can act for three months like this, you are really proving the marriage is gone. Then okay, no problem.
To respond to the sister’s question, I say if you do this, you yourself have lifted the safety that Allah has given. But technically, after three months, your divorce will be effective.
In other words, it’s not a condition that you must live under the same roof; it is for your own safety and good. It’s for your marriage’s sanctity, and if you choose not to do that, that is not good.
Technically, it is not linked to the validity of the divorce. So your divorce will still be effective after 3 cycles. If you have chosen to remove your checks and balances, then that is your decision, but you should not do so. If your husband asks you not to do so, and there’s no reason for you not to do so, one can even say you are sinful.
However, we are all aware sometimes between a husband and wife, there’s no physical danger, but the tension is so much, and the anger is so much that both of them don’t want to be around each other. If that is the case, there is no sin if it’s by mutual agreement. But if one of the sides is saying, “Let’s give it a try,” and the other side is being adamant, without a doubt, the side that is being adamant, whichever gender, is sinful because there’s an attempt to save the marriage. But sometimes it happens that both sides give up completely. Then in that case, it’s not a sin. If you choose to do that, then it is your affair, and the divorce will be valid after three menstrual cycles.
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Almighty Allah knows best.