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What to Do If Wife Is Not Interested in Sex?

11 May, 2024
Q As-Salamu `alaykum. Concerning having intercourse with one's wife, what should one do if his wife does not feel so much sexual desire while the husband has much more desire? Also, often when she agrees to have intercourse to please him while she actually does not feel any desire, she looks completely uninterested and makes him feel bad. Sometimes, when he asks for it, she either gets so nervous or just lets him but does not seem to enjoy it at all. What should the husband do? Sometimes, the wife accuses her husband that he thinks too much about this issue and that he is too demanding. Is there a certain moderate frequency to know if someone is too demanding or that the other person is lacking desire? Also, punishing her by abandoning her in bed seems to be more punishing for him than her. She gets so nervous when he tries to talk to her about the issue and she does not want to admit that there is anything wrong. Jazakum Allahu Khayran


Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In this fatwa:

1- It is quite natural for a woman to occasionally be uninterested in sex, such as when she has had a hard day or is ill. At such times you should be patient with her.

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2- For a chronic problem such as yours, we strongly advise you to seek medical and/or psychological advice for this problem, even if your wife does not think there is anything wrong.

3- There are many reasons for a woman feeling frigid. It could be caused by an underlying illness or hormone imbalance or by psychological factors such as fear of getting pregnant, an early traumatic experience such as abuse, or general unhappiness in the marriage.

4- Try to get professional help.

Responding to the question, Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha, Professor of jurisprudence and its principles at the International Islamic University, Malaysia, states:

Thanks for your question and I wish you and your wife good luck. I do understand from your explanation that your wife is not much interested in marital or sexual relations. This is common in the life of many women.

However, you have to do your best by knowing the time, style and ways of convincing her and helping her to change this type of behavior. It might take time to do so; you need patience and tolerance.

Try to find the reasons behind her unwillingness and less interest in this matter. I advise you that you should not abandon her in bed but follow the Qur’anic approach in handling wife’s rebelliousness. You start with advising and counseling. Hopefully, with time she will change if you don’t give up.

Read also:

Is Oral Sex Haram in Islam?

Punishment for Having Sex during Periods in Islam

Purpose of Sex in Islam

Is Sex in the Bathroom Allowed in Islam?

Allah Almighty knows best.

Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.