In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
In responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Sexual fulfillment: Mutual Obligation
Marriage in Islam is a partnership based on mutual duties and responsibilities. It is, therefore, important that both spouses try their best to be considerate and sensitive towards the needs and feelings of one another and do their best to satisfy each other within the bounds of Islam.
Sexual fulfillment is an integral part of the mutual obligations of husband and wife. Your husband needs to know his duty towards you in this respect and take it seriously. Just as you have a responsibility to satisfy him, he is also obligated to do the same for you.
Should your husband be suffering from sexual dysfunction, he should seek professional advice for your marriage to be a happy one. If he cannot satisfy you through sexual intercourse, he may try to satisfy you through other avenues. He can masturbate you.
By doing this, he is acting within the bounds of Islam. That is not the same as your doing it to yourself.
Self-masturbation in Islam
Islam does not allow self-masturbation except in dire necessity where one fears falling into adultery. Marriage is a shield against that. So being married, resorting to self-masturbation is not a valid option.
If despite your best efforts to convince your husband, he remains insensitive to your needs in this respect, you may take whatever steps necessary for ending your marriage if you cannot tolerate it.
That is one of the valid grounds for divorce in Islam. We can infer this from the following incident reported in the authentic traditions.
Once a woman appeared before the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and told him, I cannot find fault with my husband in matters of religion or character; but he is a total misfit (as far as sexual functioning is concerned). On hearing this, the Prophet (PBUH) ordered her to return the bridal gift (mahr) and told her husband to divorce her (without further questioning). (An-Nasa’i and others)
Almighty Allah knows best.