Alhamdulillah, after few years I started to take the practicing of Islam seriously and adhere to its teaching as much as possible and still trying to do as much as possible.
However, my wife is still casual about certain things. She prays regularly Alhamdulillah but sometimes misses Fajr Salah. She wears proper hijab but in certain occasions she misses it. She watches TV and movies.
Overall, she is not much into the deen. Character and manners wise, she is very good. Meanwhile I am leaning more towards religion and this is causing drift between us.
She says that she will also follow it rigorously once she gets hidaya like me. If I push her a lot, there are arguments and issues.
What does the Shari`ah say about my non-practicing wife? Even after my regular insistence if she is still lenient in few aspects, will I be held responsible and will be sinned?
I made it clear to her that I will not tolerate leniency for prayer and hijab and other things.
May Allah give her hidaya. Is my approach correct? We have a kid.
Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu waRahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
- If your wife offers prayers and the basic rules of modesty, then you should not be overly critical of her.
- Let your gentleness move her towards greater religiosity.
In responding to your question about your non-practicing wife, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic Scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Dealing with a Non-Practicing Muslim Wife
If your wife is observant of prayers and basic rules of modesty, then you should not be overly critical of her. Instead of acting as her judge on her piety, you may do well to be persuasive. Let your gentleness move her towards greater religiosity.
After all, you should know that Allah is the judge. He alone can judge what is in our hearts. His judgment is based more on our intentions and what we cherish in our hearts. His judgment is not based on our outward observances and rituals alone.
You may do well to heed the wisdom of Allah sending His chosen Messenger Musa (peace be upon him). Allah ordered him to speak to Pharaoh, the tyrant, gently.
If this is the way to approach a tyrant, then your wife deserves better treatment from you. After all, she is a believer, albeit a little slack in some of her observances.
Finally, never stop praying to Allah in the manner He wants us to:
Rabbanaa hab lanaa min azwaajinaa wa dhurriyyaathinaa qurratha a’yunin waj’alnaa lil al-muttaqeena imaaman
(Our Lord, grant us joy in our spouses and children and make us role models for those who are mindful). (Al-Furqan 25:74)
Allah Almighty knows best.
Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.