Answer
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear brother in Islam, we do commend your eagerness to become well acquainted with Islam and its teachings, which is the way Allah has chosen for the welfare of His servants.
In response to your question, Sheikh `Abdul-Majeed Subh, a prominent Azharite scholar, states:
Driven by her outpouring of maternal affection and extra care, the mother may think that her daughter-in-law is trying to take exclusive possession of her beloved son. On the other hand, the wife may think that her mother-in-law is dearer to her husband’s heart than her, and here lies the problem.
However, if both the wife and the mother managed to understand the actual causes behind this problem, then it may be easily solved.
The solution, in fact, is within reach. The husband should strike an equitable balance and manage to run the affairs on both tracks successfully. The mother should be treated kindly, and the wife should be maintained honorably.
One solution is that the couple should have his own home, as the shared lodging maybe a primary cause of bringing about disputes between his wife and her mother-in-law. `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) used to advise the governors of the Muslim Ummah saying, ‘you would better advise relatives to visit one another, but not to share the same lodging.’
If the son managed to have his own home and run his own affairs independently, he should be kind towards his parents. Such kindness may be expressed in the form of frequent visits, offering presents and sharing meals with them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, ‘Exchange presents so that affection might prevail among you.’
In an attempt to avoid any future disputes, the husband should advise his wife to treat his mother kindly, even if his parents were dissatisfied with her. The husband should be a model in this respect.
If all efforts proved to be of no avail, and the parents or one of them was not on friendly terms with the wife, then the son should be kind and loyal to his parents. If the son managed to handle the situation, and solve the difficult equation among both parties, Allah Almighty will reward him and bless his wife and offspring. Allah Almighty says: “But if they strive with thee to make thee ascribe unto Me as partner that of which thou hast no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who repenteth unto Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what ye used to do.?” (Luqman 31:15)
He Almighty also says, “And they who believe and whose seed follow them in faith, We cause their seed to join them (there), and We deprive them of naught of their (life’s) work. Every man is a pledge for that which he hath earned.” (At-Tur 52:21)
Allah Almighty knows best.