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Conflict on Naming a Newborn: How to Resolve It?

28 November, 2019
Q Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. My wife and I are expecting our first child, al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah).The baby is due in January, in sha' Allah (God willing). My wife is adamant about the name that she wants, should the child be a girl, as we have been told. The problem is that my family, my mother and grandmother in particular, are very unhappy about the name. It is a good name Islamically, but my family are not Muslim, and they fear the child may be bullied as a result of the name as we do not live in a Muslim country. There are, however, many Arabic names that they do approve of. So what should I do? Whose feelings take precedence in this matter — my wife's or my mother's and family's? Unfortunately my wife is being very stubborn and refuses to call our child anything else. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Answer

Sheikh Ahmad Kutty
28 November, 2019

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In this fatwa:

Naming a newborn should not be a big problem that causes differences between the wife and the husband’s family. No one should be stubborn in this regard. A compromise can be reached simply by discussing the issue in a kind and amicable way.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:

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It is fairly easy to resolve the issue of naming a newborn if both of you can force yourselves to count the blessings of Allah. You should give thanks to Him by seeking to be flexible and adopting a kinder and more positive approach toward one another.

Both of you, however, seem to be bent on choosing a path of rivalry and competition rather than trying to solve the issue through amicable discussion and mutual consent.

How to Resolve the Conflict on Naming a Newborn?

Neither you nor your wife should act stubbornly in this matter. Both of you, as well as all parties involved, can agree on a set of names.

These names should be easy to say in English while being Islamic. Any name with a good meaning can be an Islamic name.

So, you are best advised to pick a few names that are agreeable to all parties. And then decide the matter by drawing lots.

Here are a few names for your consideration that may fit the above criteria: Huda, Naseema, Yasmeen, Zain, Shameem, Naseem, Ameena, Maha, Maryam, Fatimah, Layla, and Fasihah.

One way of settling the dispute is to drop the names in a box, shuffle them, and pick one at random.

Another way is to flip a coin to pick who chooses one of two names that are agreeable.

In this way, you can choose a win-win path to resolve the issue rather than simply pleasing one while displeasing the other.

Anyhow, it is important for both of you to resolve the issue through mutual consent.

Successful marriage is all about finding solutions that are acceptable to both parties.

May Allah inspire us all to curb our false pride. And may He guide us all unto ways of harmony and peace by taking us out of shadows unto light, amen.

 Almighty Allah knows best.

Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.