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Can You Offer Istikharah to Stay in Marriage?

09 April, 2025
Q

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


In this fatwa:

Yes, you can offer Istikharah when trying to decide whether to stay in a marriage, as long as both options are halal. Islam encourages believers to seek Allahโ€™s guidance while also taking practical steps like counseling and personal reflection to improve the relationship.


Responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:

Islam Encourages Seeking Allahโ€™s Help in All Matters

Islam teaches the believers to turn to Allah consistently for guidance, succor, grace and mercy in each and every problem they face in life.

By consistently turning to Allah, one empowers himself/herself and thus becomes invigorated and strengthened spiritually and morally.

Istikharah Is Meant for Choosing Between Halal Options


Istikharah has been prescribed as a method of seeking Allahโ€™s help whenever we find ourselves unable to make up our mind as we are torn between two equally valid options both of which are considered halal.

Istikharah Cannot Be Used for Haram Choices

It must, however, be clearly borne in mind that Istikharah does not apply to choosing between options, one or both of which, are considered Haram (unlawful), since there is no question of choice in Haram as we must always shun it.

The Prophet Taught Istikharah Like Quranic Verses

According to an authentic report, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to teach his companions the prayer of Istikharah even as he used to teach them Surahs of the Quran. This shows the great significance of Istikharah.

While stressing the great value of Istikharah, it is important to point out that it should not be considered as a substitute for doing what is required of us to do Islamically. In other words, while doing Istikharah or even before doing itโ€”especially in cases such as the one mentioned in your questionโ€”one must do all that is possible to make oneโ€™s marriage work.

Seek Counseling and Strive to Rebuild the Marriage

You must exhaust all the means and efforts at your disposal by taking all of the necessary steps to reconcile your differences. To be able to do this most efficiently, you must seek proper Islamic guidance and counseling.

Ask Yourself Important Questions About Your Role

Besides, you must take personal responsibility in consciously changing your attitude and behavior by asking the following questions:

  • Are there things or actions I am doing that cause or aggravate my marriage problems?
  • Are there things I can do on a regular basis in order to elicit kind and loving responses from my spouse?
  • Am I dwelling too often on what we donโ€™t have rather than focusing on the blessings we readily possess?

Focus on Positivity and Self-Reflection in Marriage

Most probably, one of the root causes of all of our miseries in life as well as in marriage is our dwelling on the negatives and our failure to thank Allah for His favors.
4) Have you been focusing too much on the negative aspects of your spouse? Can you try shifting your focus to dwell on your weaknesses and the strengths of your spouse?

Consistent Good Actions + Istikharah Lead to Solutions

By consistently taking practical steps to change our attitudes and seeking Allahโ€™s help in improving ourselves through Istikharah and otherwise, we can find proper Islamic solutions to our problems. โ€œSurely Allah is with those who are consistently doing what is good.โ€

Almighty Allah knows best.

Source: AsktheScholar.com

About Sheikh Ahmad Kutty
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty is a Senior Lecturer and an Islamic Scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada