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Can I Keep My Convert Husband from His Relatives?

24 January, 2018
Q As-Salamu `alaykum. I am married to a convert Muslim. He is a good Muslim and a very nice husband, al-hamdulillah. Since our marriage, his relation with his family has nearly come to an end. He just sends money to his mother, who lives with his brother's family in our mother country, and talks to her once in a few months. But sometimes I feel that I am guilty of taking him away from his mother and siblings. I don't encourage him to have close relations with his family for these reasons: 1) If we get close to them, they might start expecting kafir (disbeliever) practices from us, although they have accepted my husband's conversion. 2) They said bad things about me when my husband converted, and I don't forget that. 3) When we have children, in sha' Allah, they might try to influence our children with their beliefs and practices. 4) They might make my children feel that I am an evil person who took their son away from them. We live in a distant country and go to our country only once a year, but we don't spend more than a few hours with them. At times, I feel very guilty and worried that this could be a sin in the eyes of Allah because, obviously, my husband's mother and siblings must be hurt about his dissociation from them. Please let me know what I am supposed to do in such a situation.

Answer

Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha
24 January, 2018

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

In this fatwa:

1- Islam does not aim at severing the ties of kinship between its adherents and their non-Muslim relatives. Islam highly values this relationship particularly between parents and their children.

2- Islam urges its followers to show all types of good treatment, respect, and honor to their parents, Muslims and non-Muslim alike.

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3- However, Islam demands us to give priority to our commitment to our religion and its teachings.

4- If one’s non-Muslim parents attempt to mislead him or demand him to do something against Islam, he should not obey them and must refrain from doing this. Nevertheless, still one is required to treat his parents kindly, nicely and respectfully.

In his response to the question, Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha, Professor of Jurisprudence and Its Principles at the International Islamic University, Malaysia, states:

I wish both you and your husband good luck. Although what you have been doing is not a sin, it is highly recommended that you allow your husband to have contacts with his parents, especially his mother, and his brothers and sisters. He should not hurt his mother, as she has a lot of rights upon him even if she is a non-Muslim.

You should not be worried about what is going to happen if you mix with them. Islam does strongly recommend you to mix with them in order for you to call them to Islam. Who knows? Allah may guide them one day. This will not be easy if you keep distancing yourself and your husband from them.

As for your fear about what is going to happen to kids in the future, this should not be a reason for you to distance yourselves from them. Hence, I am really appealing to you to consider mixing with them with hope and determination to call them to Islam.

You might be aware of the tireless efforts that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) exerted with his relatives. He endured a lot of suffering in the hope that Allah will guide them. He didn’t run away from them at all. It was his people who pushed him to migrate to Madinah. I hope you will do your best to reconcile between your husband and his parents.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Editor’s note: This fatwa is from Ask the Scholar’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.