What to Do When Your Husband is Emotionally Abusive

13 February, 2018
Q Salam Aleikom. My husband and I married for 15 years today, have two boys 12 and 10. Over a family dispute, he refuses to clarify things and asks me to break ties with all of my family. I have been under so much mental distress that had to quit work and now home. My family members have gotten together and fix the problem according to his taste, yet he still does not want to move on. I told him that if not much but I have to at least keep my Salam with them. Kids are emotionally depressed because they are forced to break ties with their cousins. After every visit, he tells me that I should go and stay with them, they will sell me and my kids because my family is money greedy. He swears on my mom, my brothers and all. He tells me that he shouldn’t work hard to feed us as I am all about my family. Every time he threatens to leave us and few times said going to divorce. I am just very tired of this and want to know if I am wrong of telling him that breaking ties with family takes away barakah. Allah does not like such an act. Bad language is not right. He always answers that whenever it comes to him I use Islamic quote where I do that to everyone. Will it be okay to let him go since I’m sick of trying again and again? My question is not about who to listen. I respect and acknowledge the scholars’ way more than English remedies, but in my situation, I feel that listening to him will just cut me off of the world. People are complaining about my behavior because he does not like to meet anyone. My parents are hurt, my kids don’t like their lives because they don’t have any social life. On eid, our house sounds like there is no one alive. His rules are only for easy stuff. He doesn’t teach kids how to pray or read the Quran but teaches them to hate only. He never joined us for many years, when finally did, made our lives miserable. Left us so many times, friends got into this and he came back. My question is if a husband is being emotionally abusive and every time leaves us by saying that why should he financially support, what should a woman do? He doesn’t want to speak to anyone including local melanoma. I have been financially supporting too but because of mental sickness and kids being mentally upset, I can’t work now yet still spending my savings to support. What a woman should do. What are the solutions Allah has for such people? I just fear Allah. Will Allah be angry that I didn’t listen to him since it hurts me and my kids?


Salam Aleikom,

In this video, you will learn:

Whether it is allowed to cut family ties if your husband asks so

How to handle stress and pressure

How does counseling support you to overcome your difficulties

Whether you should give another chance to your emotionally abusive husband or seek a divorce


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.