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My Second Marriage is a Disaster: No Kids, No Fulfillment

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 16, 2019

Question

Assalamu alaikum,

I’ve been married for 9 years now, with this being the second marriage for both me and my husband. My husband hid his infertility from me before we got married, as he has azoospermia. I only found out about it after 8 whole years of our marriage because he always avoided my talks of consulting a doctor.

When we did actually go to a doctor, we were asked to conduct some tests but my husband didnt do anything. Last year my parents became so adamant about consulting a doctor and they took both of us to the best infertility clinic. I was shocked to hear from the doctor that my husband is infertile and that it’s a birth defect.

It was only after I found out from the doctor that he revealed that his first marriage broke because he cannot have kids.

He never likes to spend money on my needs and if I ask him he says he has no money with him and that I should get them myself. I am a working woman, but for 2 of the 9 years we were married I was unemployed. These were some of the worst days of my life as I had to always listen to him go on about not having enough money and pester me about not finding a job.

In 9 years, he has only ever bought me 3 dresses, 2 pairs of shoes, and a necklace. He earns a lot of money, but I don't know what he does with it. He tells me I have no right to ask him about his money and what he does with it.

Recently, he took out a loan to buy a car, but the car cost much less than the loan he took. I am totally clueless as to what he did with the rest of the money, and now he says I must help him pay back the loan. Not a cent from that money touched me and he’s not even ready to tell me what he did with that money.

He's disturbing me every day and night asking to help him pay back the loan. He even asked me to pay for the food I had from his expense, and to buy my own food now because I’m not helping pay back the loan. I really don't know if he’s cheating on me and I never tried to find out if he has any other relationship.

I am heartbroken. There is no love, intimacy, nor care. We will never have kids and there is no fulfilment of my needs nor do we have any intimacy. I’ve been completely denied my right as a wife. Every night I cry thinking about my horrible life, I never did anything wrong to him. I hope that one day Allah will have mercy on me.

I don't know what I should do. This is my second marriage so I am enduring all these things patiently because I don't want to get a divorce yet again and become a laughing stock in society. I spoke to my parents and they told me to leave him and live on my own, but I am scared to live alone without the security of a man and I do not wish to marry for a third time.

If I do get married again and he turns out worse than this, what will I do? I wish to continue this married life. Is there any duaa’ that can help to change my husband's behaviour and start to love me? Even when we first got married he never showed any love or concern. Please advise me on what I should do.

Counselor

Answer


My Second Marriage is a Disaster: No Kids, No Fulfillment

Salam Alaikum,

In this counseling video, you will learn:

• List the things that make you stay in this relationship.

• It is not your obligation to help him with his issues.

• You have been through a lot, and you face a tough decision. Please reach out to a counselor and seek help.

Watch more:




About Megan Wyatt

Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah (http://wivesofjannah.com/) where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community (https://www.facebook.com/CoachMeganWyatt/). She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.

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