Intimacy After Having Children: How Is It Possible?

18 November, 2021
Q Assalamu alaikum,

I am a 26-year-old woman trying to understand marital issues, although I am still unmarried. It seems that once children come into the picture, married couples can't find time alone to develop chemistry with each other. More importantly, they don't find enough time for actual physical relations.

There are so many physical, hormonal, and mental changes the poor wife goes through including her extra responsibility. She may not feel romantic like before. This cycle repeats with every child that comes, and when the children grow up the couple can't be romantic towards one another like before.

They instead have to do it behind closed doors, which can be uncomfortable with grown children. However, quality couple time is so much important for the whole marital life. If it is undermined, the social consequence is so bad. It is very sad to realize that marital life becomes so dull after the birth of children.

What is the point of marriage if the woman can’t be romantic with her husband for their whole married life and if there is no quality couple time?

Two questions keep intruding my thoughts:

1) When the children are young, how can a husband and wife add spice to their relationship and find the time to do so while having to take care of their kids, share household duties, and work at the same time?

2) How can they do these things, again, but when their kids have grown up?


Salam Alaikum,

In this counseling answer to the question, you will learn:

One of the long-term goals of marriage is to have children. Marriage is not only about the two of you, but what you can build together.

The problem is that people often talk about the difficulties of having children and hardly share beautiful moments of parenting.

Blue Angel Farm Multivitamin

Have strategies you define with your spouse how to find the time to be together.

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About Megan Wyatt
Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community. She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.