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I Need More Attention from My Husband; Am I Selfish?

15 April, 2024
Q Assalamu Alaikum.

I've been married for about 8 months now. I married earlier than planned because my mother in law died from cancer, and I wanted to help my husband to deal with his loss. I live with his family (father, sister).

What stresses me the most is that he does not make time for me anymore. He never even compliments me, even though I try to get dressed for him. He never surprises me with gifts while I can’t spend the month without getting something for him. We only talk about things I start to talk about.

When I am at work, I always text him and I can’t spend the day without calling him. He complains I always call him at the wrong time and rarely texts me back.

I always try to tell him I need his attention and affection and I need him to show his love to me because I feel so unworthy and not appreciated, but he's says that's all he can do and I am just overacting and I am so selfish that I need attention for myself all the time.

Why I am not getting even 1/2 of that attention from my husband that he gives to his friends?

Other times he tells me how he couldn’t imagine his life about me and that he loves me the most, but he does not express it as much as I need it. I love him so much, I can't stay mad at him for too long, but this issue is stressing me out so much.

Sometimes I think it's also the stress I get from work and from the university that breaks me down this much. I cry too often to get this out of me and I just don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I'd be so happy for your respond.


Salam Aleikom,

In this counseling video, you will learn:

Most likely your husband behaves in this way because he is grieving.

Ease off and prepare a short plan for yourself to feel good. Socialize with your friends, do things you enjoy.

Give him some space. Do not chase him.

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About Megan Wyatt
Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community. She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.