I Found Out My Husband Backbites on Me

22 September, 2020
Q Assalamualaikum,

I have been married for a year and a half, and ever since I haven’t been happy a single day. My husband became my brother’s business partner as per my dad’s order after our engagement. However, things are going badly as my husband makes an issue of every single thing that happens in the business. When he gets home, he only discusses everything wrong my brother did and everything right he himself did.

We are living abroad, and recently his mother came from our home country and she’s picking on what I do and criticizes me. I have done a lot for my husband and even doing a PhD just to settle my husband here abroad. Since my mother-in-law came, we’ve had very huge fights. She wants the control of the house, and she always puts ideas against me in my husband’s mind.

One day, I put a recorder under the bed to find out the conversation between them about me and to know who is at fault. What I found out shocked me. My husband is very abusive towards my parents and family, and he told every single secret of ours to his mother. He uses me like a puppet to settle abroad and tells his mother how to treat me.

He even said he doesn’t put much groceries so that I don’t make dinners for my family. He told his mother not to pick up calls from my parents and to treat them like that. He is abusive towards my sister as well and threatened to kick her out.

I am so depressed as he lost all respect and trust in my eyes. I have done so much for this person and now I don’t want to face him. It’s like he is a completely different person.

He tells every intimate thing to his mother, and she criticizes me for not having kids, but the actual reason is her son isn’t able to perform intercourse and that I am still a virgin after 1 and a half years of marriage. He never tells her his faults but only mine. I haven’t told this to anyone yet and he still doesn’t realize I overheard. I do not know what to do, please advise me.


Salam Aleikom,

In this counseling answer, you will learn:

Your husband has no right to talk about you disrespectfully, in secret. He is not diplomatic; he is double-faced.

You can either stay silent, or reveal you know about what your husband talks about you, or involve your parents. Neither decision is an easy one.

Choose the option you feel the most right is for you.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.



About Megan Wyatt
Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community. She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.