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Husband Spends Too Much Money on His Parents

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 08, 2019

Question

As-Salamu Aleikom,

I have something very important going on which is mentally affecting me and making me depressed. I’ve married for nearly 6 years, alhumdulillah, me and my husband are doing very well, and we have a daughter between us.

My husband was sponsored to the UK, and when he got here, I was pregnant and unable to work, which is why we’ve been staying at my parent’s place as we couldn’t afford a house. My husband has been working very hard and I have recently started working too.

The only problem is that when my husband came, he started providing for his family back home, and his father doesn’t work even though he is capable. As soon as my husband arrived in the UK, his father got him to build an extension on his house but concealed it as minor construction works, and as a result so much money was wasted when I was medically unwell as well as my newborn.

My husband sent so much money that was to be put in for debt repayment to my family as well as moving to a separate house. Years have past and we’ve been struggling to save and move out. My parents’ house is overcrowded with my brother’s family, and we are stuck with our child using one bedroom. The situation is making me depressed.

I never argue with my husband, but it makes me cry to look at our situation. My husband has to send money every month and I never get to spend time with him because he’s too busy working to provide for us, but what’s the point if I never get to see him. My dad also pays for extra food bills which is unfair towards him.

I cannot even think about having a second child because of our situation and it’s stressing me out having to live that way, always worrying about finance and when to move out. I don’t think anything will change until my father-in-law starts providing for his own family.

Even though he is a heart patient he can work a taxi job, but instead he just wants to sit at home and have money coming in. I haven’t said anything as I don’t want to upset anyone but what about my rights? Why do I and my parents have to go through all the sacrifice?

When a daughter gets married it’s not so that she gets stuck at her parents’ home. Why does my marriage life have to suffer? Not seeing my husband properly and my daughter not seeing her father often is affecting both of us but none of my in-laws understand this; they just worry about their own needs.

I understand that I got married back home and brought my husband over, but they must do something to provide for themselves. My husband doesn’t earn a high salary and when we do move out and don’t have the financial capability to support ourselves and them what will happen then? They must think about this.

It’s okay to give to parents here and there but I am someone’s daughter who is being sacrificed in between. I am not getting my rights or needs fulfilled and I only wish to live in my own place and not be an extra financial burden on my father along with my daughter and husband. My father struggles a lot as a result. Please advise me on this.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Spends Too Much Money on His Parents

Salam Alaikum,

In this counseling video, you will learn:

• Yes, you do have rights! Your husband’s priority would be taking care of you and the children.

• People moving to the West often feels guilty for living in better circumstances. Therefore, they feel obliged to support their family back home financially.

• Have an honest conversation about your concerns and needs and find a solution.

• Set a deadline and the budget for moving out.

• Have the assumption that he wants you to be happy and communicate with him with this in your head.

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About Megan Wyatt

Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah (http://wivesofjannah.com/) where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community (https://www.facebook.com/CoachMeganWyatt/). She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.

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