11 July, 2020
Q
I used to live 1 hour away from my parents when I got married. But when I got pregnant, I really felt how hard I need my parents. Since my husband parents live in another country.
So we decided that I I'll go back and live with my parents to try and get a house near them. I'm getting money from the government but it's not enough, and my husband doesn't want to send me money while I'm raising his son all by myself.
He says to me you're getting money from the government so I’ve got no money for you. I'm living free at my parents’ house; they don't ask me for money.
I'm trying so hard to find a house, and a job and I'm raising my son alone, while he sits there and not doing anything to help me.
He asks me every time to come to him, I tell him I don't have money for the train and bus, because his son needs milk. He tells me to pay for it and he will pay me back.
And he never pays me back. I keep telling him that's not how you should treat your wife, he tells me that he's not doing anything wrong.
I'm thinking to separate because he's not doing his job as a Muslim man. I gave him too many chances I had enough.
Also before I had to give birth me and he had a big fight, the baby bed and my birth clothes were at his house, I told him that my dad is coming to pick it up he told me that my dad can only come for my clothes. I got so mad that I didn't even call him when I was giving birth.
I gave my son the name that I wanted. He later heard about it and got mad, but after 3 months we made up and he was fine with the name.
And now my son is 9 months old and he keeps telling me to change his name to the name that he wanted because he can't hear the name that I pick out. He is telling me that he can't hear or want to say my son's name. He's so mad that I choose the name he doesn't even want to look or play with his son.
I told him that I'm the one who carried him for 9 months and I was gonna die while giving birth, and I'm his mother and I have the right to give him a name. But he doesn't care.
I feel so scared to get pregnant again from him because I know we will have a big fight again. I really love him but at the same time, I think the best for me to do is to separate.
So we decided that I I'll go back and live with my parents to try and get a house near them. I'm getting money from the government but it's not enough, and my husband doesn't want to send me money while I'm raising his son all by myself.
He says to me you're getting money from the government so I’ve got no money for you. I'm living free at my parents’ house; they don't ask me for money.
I'm trying so hard to find a house, and a job and I'm raising my son alone, while he sits there and not doing anything to help me.
He asks me every time to come to him, I tell him I don't have money for the train and bus, because his son needs milk. He tells me to pay for it and he will pay me back.
And he never pays me back. I keep telling him that's not how you should treat your wife, he tells me that he's not doing anything wrong.
I'm thinking to separate because he's not doing his job as a Muslim man. I gave him too many chances I had enough.
Also before I had to give birth me and he had a big fight, the baby bed and my birth clothes were at his house, I told him that my dad is coming to pick it up he told me that my dad can only come for my clothes. I got so mad that I didn't even call him when I was giving birth.
I gave my son the name that I wanted. He later heard about it and got mad, but after 3 months we made up and he was fine with the name.
And now my son is 9 months old and he keeps telling me to change his name to the name that he wanted because he can't hear the name that I pick out. He is telling me that he can't hear or want to say my son's name. He's so mad that I choose the name he doesn't even want to look or play with his son.
I told him that I'm the one who carried him for 9 months and I was gonna die while giving birth, and I'm his mother and I have the right to give him a name. But he doesn't care.
I feel so scared to get pregnant again from him because I know we will have a big fight again. I really love him but at the same time, I think the best for me to do is to separate.
Answer
In this counseling video:
The most important element is respect for any human being.
According to Islam your husband should be giving you money.
He is not respecting any of your needs physical, emotional, and spiritual.
Try having an open dialogue with your husband which can help you have a clearer picture of which route to take moving forward.
Also you can try couple counseling to work out your situation.
Salam,
***
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