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How to Get Your Husband to Help Out Around the House

10 November, 2020
Q Asalaamu alaikum.

We’ve been married for 5 years. I’ve always been very independent and did everything myself. Never asked for help. That was my biggest mistake. Now we’ve got 3 children the chores are more and harder. Especially with a screaming newborn.

I’m on maternity leave and my husband works 12-hour shifts. I get that he is tired after a long day but I’m tired too. I do the night feeds and then deal with the older two (4 years old and 22 months old) plus the newborn every day.

When my husband is off, he prefers spending half of his day sleeping and the other half out with friends. He’s started going to shisha places too with these friends. I’ve told him many times how I dislike this but his replies are “I’m stressed and this keeps me calm”. Erm, I’m stressed too but you don’t see me going to shisha places, SubhanaAllah! Not that I’d want to anyway.

My question is, what are my rights upon him? How can I get him to help around and drop this behavior? We’re both 34 so not very young and stupid to be starting this. I’m on the verge of asking for a divorce. What do you advise? JazaakumAllah Khair in advance.

Answer

Salam Aleikom,

In this video, you will learn:

  • Useful techniques to motivate your husband to help with the chores
  • the importance of together time after children
  • the importance of self-time
  • the power of nice words and appreciation
  • The Prophet’s example in helping in the house

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.