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Divorced After a Breakdown

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 10, 2019

Question

Assalamu alaikum,

Is it permissible for my husband to use the silent treatment on me and block my access to our home before divorce proceedings have commenced? I married my husband by only earlier this year, and although we had a lot of happy moments, we also faced challenges.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression which resulted in my husband asking me to delay moving to his city until I get better. I have always been a good wife; cooking, cleaning and surprising him with romantic gestures and encouraging him to pray and visit the mosque.

My husband has trust issues and is constantly accusing me of things I haven’t done and threatening me with divorce if I fail to confess. Most recently, he accused me of zina (adultery), and used the fact that I was in an extreme state of panic to blow the situation out of proportion and manipulate me into agreeing with him.

The situation became too much for me and I was so unwell from the trauma that I was admitted into A&E and told by the psychiatrist that I was in no sound mind. I learnt a few days ago that my husband had left me at the hospital and asked for a divorce.

It’s been two weeks now and I have not signed anything, I am unable to defend myself or travel to his city to speak to the imam due to my poor health, and my depression has gotten worse to the point where I am unable to work.

As a revert, I do not know what my rights are under Islam and I have no wali (guardian) to act on my behalf. Despite what he has done I love him dearly and I pray we can reconcile.

Please advise me on what to do. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


Divorced after a Breakdown

As-Salamu Alaikum,

In this counseling answer, you will learn:

• Marriage needs to be based on trust and respect.

• Talk to your imam, even over the phone, to ask about your rights as a wife.

• Use your common sense first before asking about your rights. Ask yourself: is kindness toward the wife is expected from a husband?

• The apology itself and saying “I love you” are not enough for a behavior to change. Love has to be translated into action that shows care.

• Your husband needs to get professional help as well.

• Stand up for yourself.  Set conditions for reconciliation.

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About Megan Wyatt

Megan Wyatt is the founder of Wives of Jannah (http://wivesofjannah.com/) where she offers training programs, live workshops, and relationship coaching for wives and couples. She is a certified Strategic Intervention coach with specialized certifications for working with women and marital relationships and has been coaching and mentoring Muslims globally since 2008. She shares her passion for Islamic personal development in her Passionate Imperfectionist community (https://www.facebook.com/CoachMeganWyatt/). She is a wife and homeschooling mother with four children residing in Southern California.

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