He keeps saying that I need to leave our home, then he will do apply for a divorce. I don’t know why he is doing this. He is speaking to other females, he hits me, calls me names, insults me. He even lets his whole family bully me.
Now he can leave me, but why must I move out with my baby? I am a good wife, what must I do? I don’t want to lose my family, but I am exhausted.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
You and your husband both need time away from each other to reflect on your situation.
You should leave for the safety of yourself and your children.
Think about and consider your opinions and what the consequences of these may be.
You might consider consulting loved ones to get their advice.
I also suggest seeing a counselor with your husband together to try and work things out.
Perhaps go and spend some time with your family without necessarily sharing why you are having this time away.
Pray istikara and turn to Allah.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
I understand that this is a very difficult situation for you with your husband constantly threatening you with divorce. It probably leaves you feeling very insecure not knowing what is going to happen next. This is not a very pleasant situation to be in and is possibly impacting your children too.
There is, however, one massively concerning thing is that it seems that your husband is abusing you, both physically and emotionally and this is not OK. Abuse of any kind is never OK and you do need support with this.
I understand that you don’t feel that it is right that you should be the one to leave with your babies. Certainly, you should not be the one to be placed in such an uncomfortable situation, but at the same time, for the safety of yourself and your children it is best. Moving forward might be the best way.
Time Away
You and your husband both need time away from each other to reflect on your situation and where you want to go from here.
Being away from each other and outside of each other’s presence will allow this to happen most effectively.
Perhaps go and spend some time with your family without necessarily sharing why you are having this time away. This time doesn’t necessarily have to solely focus on reflecting on your marriage but is also a form of taking care of yourself and giving yourself time for self-care and being with people who genuinely care for you and make you feel loved.
Whilst you are taking this time for yourself, it will also give your husband the chance to think about his own behavior. Sometimes it takes this space apart to realize what you have and where you are going right or wrong and how to make changes.
Once you have had a few days to focus on yourself and reset your mind, then you can start thinking about what you want moving forward.
Think about and consider your opinions and what the consequences of these may be.
So, do you make the big decision to walk away and escape the abuse with no going back because you are sure he can’t change? How would you go about this and where would you go and support your children?
Might you go back and give him a chance to change and if after some months it’s still not working then leave? But at the risk, he may still be abusive and it makes things even more confusing for your children.
It is a very tough choice with possible good and bad consequences either way. However, taking the time to process your options rationally will allow you to consider things more carefully.
Seek help and comfort
You might consider consulting loved ones to get their advice.
I also suggest seeing a counselor with your husband together to try and work things out.
Most importantly take the matter to Allah and ask for His guidance in the matter. When you make your decision with the consideration of all in mind, especially your children, then present it to Allah and move forward with confidence. Pray the istikhara prayer.
May Allah guide you to what is best for you and your children and most pleasing to Him. May He protect you from harm and bring you happiness in both this life and the next.
Salam,
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