As salamu alaykum brother
Thank you for writing to our page. As I understand your situation, you were living in the capital and then you, your wife, and children moved to another city with your brother.
You and your brother bought a house together and he is about to get married.
After a time, you realize you were unhappy in your new place of living, and you wanted to move back to the capital where there was less rain and more family things to do such as going to the park.
Your brother instantly opposed to the idea and attacked you, calling you selfish.
Brother it appears that you made a move that you thought was beneficial.
However, once you started living there, you realized that it was not conducive, neither for you, nor for your family.
Once you realize that the city was cold, always raining, and that you were housebound with your children, you decided to make a positive move for yourself and your family back to the capital because it was making you depressed and you started to experience anxiety.
I understand that you love your brother very much and you are trying to help him as well.
You did agree to try living in a different place however that did not work out for you.
While your brother may love the area and the home, it does not work for you and it has made you unhappy.
It may be that it is his choice to stay there and it is your choice to leave.
We all have choices. It is important to remember that our life choices should be conscious decisions which are made to improve the quality of our Lives. Each of us is responsible for our own decisions.
Responsibility for brother
Brother, you are responsible for yourself and your family, meaning your wife and children.
You are also responsible to a certain degree to help your siblings when they are in need, if you are able.
As you know, parents are our responsibility to a greater degree. Just because your brother chooses to stay there does not mean you have to. You have a choice to move.
He also has a choice to move but he has chosen to stay there. That does not mean you have to stay there. You are not obligated.
Maintaining Well Being
While it is nice to help family in this way, at the end of the day you have to look at your own mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial state of health.
Apparently, this is not a place that is conducive for you and is causing you to sink into depression and anxiety.
As you are the head of your household, it is imperative that you do things that are conducive to your state of well-being. Your wife and your children depend on you.
Feelings of Abandoning Brother
If you make a decision to move back to the capital where things are better for your mental health, it is not that you are abandoning your brother, it is that you are making moves to improve the quality of your life, thus improving the quality of your mental health.
Your brother is free to move back with you and he has chosen not to. That is not your fault nor your responsibility.
You are not abandoning him; you are making choices that will enable future success and happiness for your family insha’Allah.
Your Brother’s Life Will Go On
In the event that you do take positive steps to move back to the place where you feel was happier and more conducive to your life, your brother’s life will go on as well. As you stated, he is getting married.
He likes the area that he’s in and he likes the home. In all likelihood if you do leave, your brother will remain in the home with his new wife and his future children.
In sha Allah, this is what he wants and he will find a way to make it work.
Perhaps your brother needs to think about you in this situation.
Is he being selfish by wanting you and your family to stay in a place he knows is not conducive nor happy for you?
Decision to Stay may Affect Your family
On the other hand, if you stay there, it will be against your will, thus making you even more unhappy.
This in turn may affect your wife and children’s happiness.
And yes, as your brother’s life continues and he has children, that must also be taken into account regarding the size of the home, and each family needing their own space.
You talk about getting a home there for yourself as well as renting in the capital however that is a huge financial burden to keep up two homes and keep traveling back and forth.
Sooner or later, it may have an effect on your own family with your own children and wife missing you when you are away.
In sha Allah brother when you make a decision you will think about your family first as they deserve your first attention and thoughts in regards to any decisions you make.
Brother I kindly suggest that you think about what it is you really want to do, and do it.
It sounds like you were much happier in the capital even though you feel you were anti-social.
There seems to be much more happiness there in terms of things to do and lack of rain.
In sha Allah you will make decisions that are good for you, your wife and children.
Your brother may be upset should you choose to leave; however, your first priority is your family.
Your brother may initially be discontented with you but he will adjust in sha Allah and learn to live with his wife in happiness.
Brother in sha Allah since the capital seems to make you feel happier and there are more things to do for you and your family, you may decide to move back.
As a brother, a husband, and a Muslim, your brother will eventually understand the importance of a man taking care of his family and well-being.
In sha Allah he will eventually understand that yes, you love him and you are there for him but you have to do what is best for you and your family.
Lastly, I kindly suggest that if the depression, anxiety, and feeling anti-social continues -that you do seek out counseling in your area.
As you did state that you experienced feelings of being antisocial in the capital, it could be that you have antisocial anxiety disorder.
It is best to get assessed and initiate counseling as soon as possible so it does not get out of control if indeed this is what you have.
May Allah bless your path; we wish you the best!