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My Busy Husband Regrets Having Kids

15 July, 2023
Q Assalamalikeum, my husband and I have been married for 10 years. He’s very hard working and loving but he is a businessman and is extremely busy. I work from home and also take care of the house and our two young children. We have babysitters and house help so it works smooth. However, my husband has expressed many times to me that he regrets having children. Especially our second one, who was unplanned. He says he loves them a lot but he regrets having children and that being a father is not his cup of tea. This used to bother me a lot earlier and we used to fight over it. But as the kids grow older, they’re starting to see how detached and uninvolved he is in their lives. I keep making excuses that dad is busy but he truly puts the kids last. He doesn’t spend more than a few minutes a day with them and doesn’t get involved in any family task. On the weekend he often escapes into watching videos related to his line of work and other work-related things and when I ask him to join the family he says “I need a break from my exhausting work day so I will do the things I want”.

He always says that I am doing my duty as a father - I provide for them this is the best I can do. I should have had children later in life - I don’t have the bandwidth in life. He also feels bad that I don’t put him first - unfortunately I don’t have a moment to breathe and I can’t bring myself to give him any more care that I give him currently. He doesn’t really do anything in and around the house and when I ask him to, he simply says “do you need me to hire another maid?” How should I deal with this? How can I get him more involved in the lives of his children? How can I help change his mind about his own children? Why is he so regretful?


It must hurt to hear that your husband regrets having children. He may love them, but he feels overwhelmed by their presence.

If this is the case, he still needs to spend time with his kids, as they have the right to be with their father.

It is better to approach him with kindness than to force upon him his duty. Help him understand what he might miss if he does not get involved with his family enough.

You may try family counseling and discuss your differing needs with a professional.

Check out the full advice here.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.